


Prolong the Inevitable (I Know This Isn't Real)

by PiningTsukkiEnthusiast



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Attempt at Humor, Bad Decisions, Breaking Up & Making Up, Childhood Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Dates, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Making Out, Movie Night, Pining Tsukishima Kei, Post-Canon, Practice Kissing, Sharing a Bed, Study Date, Third Year Tsukishima Kei, Third Year Yamaguchi Tadashi, This was supposed to be short and borderline crack, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, WOO, Yamaguchi Tadashi is a Good Friend, but now it's a two part fic with Feelingss, gimme those pining tsukki rights, kinda introspective tbh, oh I forgot, pray for akiteru 2k19, whoops, yeahhhhhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2020-12-16 07:41:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 26,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21032666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PiningTsukkiEnthusiast/pseuds/PiningTsukkiEnthusiast
Summary: “I get it, I guess,” Kei mused. “Pretending to date your best friend to come out to your family. Seems like it would lighten the blow, divert from unnecessary drama.”“Uh-oh,” Yamaguchi laughed, “Tsukki's having ideas.”“I wouldn't do it,” Kei muttered. “I just get why someone would.”Or, Tsukishima wants to come out to his family, so he enlists Yamaguchi as his fake boyfriend to help.





	1. A Bad Idea

**Author's Note:**

  * For [futacookies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/futacookies/gifts).

> So this is a day late and also only between 1/2 or 1/3 of the fic, I haven't decided yet, but happy birthday Fede!!! I hope you love reading this as much as I've enjoyed writing it for you so far! And now, I will attempt to more or less say that in Italian *clears throat* *opens Google translate*
> 
> Buon compleanno Federica! Spero ti piaccia questa storia! Ti voglio bene!
> 
> Did I do it?? Anyways, enjoy the fic bb ily!!!!!!!

It started like any Friday evening: with movie night.

Friday movie nights were a time honored tradition in the Kei-Tadashi friendship, from about six months into their friendship, all the way through their third year of high school. Kei hoped it would continue further than that, but he never told Yamaguchi.

“I'm picking the movie!” Yamaguchi declared, hopping onto the couch and grabbing the remote before Kei had a chance.

“What? No, you picked last week,” Kei argued, grabbing for the remote.

“Sorry, Tsukki! You snooze, you lose!” Yamaguchi laughed and leaned away from Kei with the remote.

“You'll pick a shitty movie.”

“I am _not _rewatching Jurassic Park for the five hundredth time, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi argued, continuing to curl himself around the remote. “I wanna watch a romcom!”

“Fuck you!” Kei reached around Yamaguchi for the remote, but Yamaguchi elbowed him in the side.

“No! Go make popcorn, Tsukki! You're not winning this one!”

Kei figured the best plan of attack was to sit on his friend, as that usually worked in his favor.

“What about a documentary?” Kei asked, as though his knees weren't digging into Yamaguchi’s back.

“Get off of me!” Yamaguchi said instead, trying to shake Kei off.

Kei barely registered the front door opening as he wrestled Yamaguchi for the remote.

“Kei, be nice to Tadashi-kun,” Akiteru called as he walked in.

_Hmm_. Kei hadn’t realized he'd be home this weekend.

Yamaguchi took Kei's momentary surprise to push him onto the floor and press play on a romcom.

Kei pretended to glare, which just made Yamaguchi smile wider.

“You'll like it,” Yamaguchi said, “promise!”

Kei liked the movie.

It wasn't unique or particularly interesting, but he appreciated the use of misunderstandings for comedy instead of drama, like it would be in most things.

“It's a romantic _comedy_, Tsukki! Obviously the focus would be on comedy and not drama!” Yamaguchi pointed out.

“Yeah, but you know how these things go. They hate each other, they fake date, they fall in love, they think it's unrequited, drama, boring, lame.”

“So, what made this one special?” Yamaguchi teased, picking up the empty popcorn bags.

Kei rolled his eyes. “They were friends, not strangers, and the misunderstandings only caused minimal unnecessary drama.”

“And it was gay,” Yamaguchi teased, sticking out his tongue.

“I get it, I guess,” Kei mused. “Pretending to date your best friend to come out to your family. Seems like it would lighten the blow, divert from unnecessary drama.”

“Uh-oh,” Yamaguchi laughed, “Tsukki's having ideas.”

“I wouldn't do it,” Kei muttered. “I just get why someone would.”

Kei definitely understood it, when his parents started to tease him and Yamaguchi at dinner, asking about girls. He knew if he just came out, this sort of thing would stop.

When he and Yamaguchi were back in his room, he considered mentioning it.

“You really want to tell them,” Yamaguchi said before Kei even opened his mouth. “But you’re not sure they'll be happy about it.”

Kei rolled his eyes. “So what? They'll have to get used to it eventually. And anyways…”

“You're not quite ready?” Yamaguchi gathered, sitting next to Kei on the bed. “That's okay.”

“I just want–” Kei pursed his lips. “I want them to stop acting like it's the end of the world that I’m not seeing anyone.”

Yamaguchi hummed, thoughtful. “They're just worried about you not being able to express and process feelings, I think.”

“Whatever,” Kei sighed, falling back. “I'm going to sleep.”

“Okay,” Yamaguchi laughed. “Goodnight, Tsukki!”

In the morning, Kei reached a conclusion.

“Yamaguchi, be my fake boyfriend.”

Yamaguchi choked on his hot coffee until some came out his nose. “Be your what now?!”

Kei handed him a napkin. “Sorry.”

Once Yamaguchi was breathing normally again, he took a deep breath. “Tsukki, we watched an entire movie last night about why that's a bad idea.”

Kei nodded, slow and uncertain. “You're right. It's stupid. I just thought– no. It's stupid, right?”

Yamaguchi picked his coffee mug back up. “Tsukki…”

“I shouldn't even care. If they know I’m gay, they'll just be asking me why I don't have a _boy_friend instead.” Kei shook his head and sat on his floor next to Yamaguchi. “It's stupid.”

“But they wouldn't do that…if they thought we were together.” Yamaguchi tapped his fingers against his mug, absently.

“It's stupid,” Kei repeated. “Forget I said anything.”

“They wouldn't believe it, anyways,” Yamaguchi pointed out, nose scrunching up with thought.

“Why not?”

“Well, no one tells their _parents _about a significant other right away,” Yamaguchi began. “If there's no build up, they'll just think you’re lying to get them off your back. Especially with how much time we spend together.”

Kei groaned, leaning back against his bed. “I guess you're right.”

“But,” Yamaguchi continued, chewing his bottom lip. Kei averted his eyes so he wouldn't look too long. “I'm guessing that you’re not ready to come out like, this week.”

Kei looked up again. “Well, not really…”

A smile tugged at Yamaguchi’s lips. “Then, we've got at least a month to lay the groundwork!”

Kei gaped at him. “What?”

“I'll do it!” Yamaguchi decided. “I'll be the best fake boyfriend you'll ever have!”

“Hopefully, you'll be the only fake boyfriend I ever have…” Kei mumbled.

“We should plan,” Yamaguchi said, exchanging his coffee for a notebook and pencil. “Just to make sure it's seamless, not too forced, and not too sudden.”

“Won't a plan make it seem forced?” Kei pointed out.

“Maybe,” Yamaguchi hummed, “but I think the benefits outweigh the costs. I want to do this right!”

Kei wanted to punch himself in the face, just a little, because he put himself into this situation. Maybe he'd been hoping Yamaguchi would agree that it was stupid and they could move on. _Yeah_, he wanted to come out to his family, and _yeah_, he'd like them off his back, but…

_Your fake boyfriend is the person you wish was you real boyfriend. Idiot._

While Yamaguchi planned, Kei allowed himself three minutes to wallow in self-pity.

Yamaguchi was doing something nice for him, that was going to take a lot of commitment on both their ends, so Kei couldn't sulk. Not when he was the one who’d asked in the first place. But the implication of being any sort of intimate with his oldest friend and have it mean _nothing_ – he wanted to dig himself a hole and never come out. (Both figuratively and literally.)

“How does this look so far?” Yamaguchi slid the notebook over to Kei.

_My Calculus notebook, great, _he noted. _Now I'll want to die even more when I'm in math._

He scanned the page to see just what he’d gotten himself into.

> _Operation: Fake Dating!_
> 
>   * _Step 1. Get used to fake dating._
>   * _Step 2. Convince our friends._
>   * _Step 3. Be more couple-y when parents are home._
>   * _Step 4. Tell Tsukki’s parents._
> 
> _Rules:_

“Why are the rules blank?” Kei asked.

Yamaguchi scratched the back of his head and laughed. “Well, I didn’t know what lines you weren’t willing to cross. Like, if you didn’t wanna kiss me, I’d understand.”

Kei frowned. “Yeah, I’m sure my parents would really buy that. I’m dating you, who’s here all the time, but we never kiss.”

Yamaguchi started chewing his lip again. “So…all cards on the table, then?”

“Not…not _all_ cards,” Kei mumbled, clearing his throat.

“Well – _obviously_ we wouldn’t do that,” Yamaguchi squeaked out. “That’s not even… _obviously, _Tsukki!”

“Just making sure.” He frowned at the first step. “How do we _get used to it_.”

“Doing couple-y things in private,” Yamaguchi said with more confidence than Kei thought he should have.

“Like what? Holding hands and going on dates?” Kei snorted.

Yamaguchi nodded, offering his hand. Kei stared at it for a second too long before finally taking it.

“And well…” Yamaguchi looked away, suddenly shy. “If you’re not taking kissing off the table, then we’ll need to practice some. No one will believe we like each other if it looks stiff and like you’re being forced to kiss your auntie at a family reunion, you know?”

Kei felt his ears heat up, but he did his best to keep a flat expression. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Yamaguchi double-checked.

“Yeah,” Kei confirmed, against his better judgment. He pulled his hand back. “But first, we need breakfast, and to study. And we’re not…doing anything until my parents leave for the afternoon.”

Yamaguchi hid a laugh behind his hand. “You make it sound so dirty, Tsukki!”

“I’m just following _your_ plan,” Kei grumbled, pulling himself to his feet. “Don’t want them to walk in on anything too soon, right? Even though that would be a lot easier than having a conversation with them…”

“Not a chance in hell, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi chided. “And besides, that would just lead to a more awkward conversation.”

“And what’s _that_?” Kei groaned.

“Instead of having the awkward, _I’m gay_, talk, you get to have your very straight parents try to explain gay sex to you!”

Kei blanched. “You’re right, I don’t want that at all.”

“Didn’t think so!” Yamaguchi jumped up and patted Kei’s head. “Let’s get breakfast!”

“Do you think you could’ve said _gay sex_ literally any louder, by the way? Because that’s another surefire way to open that can of worms,” Kei complained.

“Sorry, Tsukki!”

When Kei neared the end of his homework for the weekend, he could feel himself slow down. He took too long double-checking answers, wrote more slowly and neatly than he really cared to, all because when homework was done…

He was such an idiot. Really, he should’ve known Yamaguchi would take matters into his own hands and overthink the whole ordeal. Kei should’ve just planned a normal way to come out to his parents, whatever the consequences.

“Tsukki, are you done yet?” Yamaguchi groaned from the bed. “I wanna get this over with so we can play video games or watch a movie.”

_Get this over with._ Kei tried not to flinch, but he couldn’t help the frown tugging at his lips. Good thing his desk faced away from his bed. He couldn’t afford Yamaguchi seeing all the conflicted emotions he was going through.

Honestly, Kei had probably gone through most of the five stages of grief just since that morning. Denial that it was even happening, anger at himself for being such an idiot, depression because Yamaguchi definitely only sees him as a friend after all of this, and now he was at bargaining. Maybe, he could convince Yamaguchi that they didn’t have to kiss to be dating. Asahi and Noya didn’t kiss, and they were the grossest, sappiest couple Kei knew. But he knew that wasn’t the issue, the issue was people buying it.

The only reason everyone bought Asahi and Noya was because it was so _obvious_ how in love they were. Yamaguchi and Kei didn’t have anything like that. Or, well, Kei did, but Yamaguchi clearly didn’t feel the same.

A light touch on his shoulder brought Kei out of his thoughts.

“Tsukki, are you okay?”

He hadn’t even heard Yamaguchi get up.

“Because it’s okay if you’re nervous,” Yamaguchi continued, “or if this will be your first kiss…?”

Kei’s ears burned, and he refused to even glance at Yamaguchi.

“Or, if you don’t want to do this, and you’d rather tell your parents in a normal way,” Yamaguchi said, squeezing Kei’s shoulder. “You _know_ I’m all for that.”

Kei realized Yamaguchi’s embarrassing suggestions were probably designed to make Kei not want to go through with it. Usually, that was how it would’ve gone; Kei wasn’t like the King or the shrimp, and he didn’t feel the need to rise to every ridiculous challenge he was presented with. But, that was what this was, right? A challenge?

And Kei didn’t usually feel the need to rise to stupid challenges, but the thing was that he _really_ wanted to kiss Yamaguchi, even if it was a terrible idea.

“It’s just embarrassing,” he gritted out, as if Yamaguchi didn’t already know, as if Kei wasn’t just reaching the fifth and final stage of grief: acceptance.

Yamaguchi laughed, and his hand gently picked up Kei’s. “It’s not so bad, you know! You could be doing this with Hinata or Kageyama.”

Kei pulled a face. “That would be so much worse,” he agreed, opting out of paying attention to the warmth of their palms now pressed together. “I can’t just tell my parents. They’ll either think I’m lying, to get them off my back, or they’ll completely overreact.”

“You don’t _know_ that Tsukki–”

Kei finally turned to look at Yamaguchi. “Yes. I do. So, let’s just get this over with?”

Yamaguchi nodded, then slowly pulled their joined hands up towards his face. “It’s not as bad as you’re expecting, I’m sure.”

When Yamaguchi’s lips brushed Kei’s knuckles, Kei did all he could to keep his face from reacting. There was nothing he could do about the heat rushing his cheeks, but he could maintain his disinterested expression. Yeah, he could do that much.

“See,” Yamaguchi laughed, scratching his head with his free hand. “Not so bad, right?”

“Yeah,” Kei said, cursing the way his voice broke. Yamaguchi didn’t seem to notice, though.

“Alright, so,” Yamaguchi said, bending forward a bit. “Uh…lay one on me.”

Kei tried to calm his breathing, then leaned in.

“Any day now, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi teased, and that did it.

Kei brought their lips together in a quick, closed mouth kissed, pulling away before he even had a chance to think about what it was like, kissing his best friend.

And he’d _assumed_ that was fine, that was what they were _going for_, except Yamaguchi started giggling again.

“What?” Kei groaned.

“Tsukki, come _on_! It’s like you were being forced to kiss some old auntie you don’t remember at a family reunion. No one would think that was anywhere close to a romantic kiss,” Yamaguchi laughed, leaning on Kei’s desk to support himself. “That was like, a friend kiss. A very, very platonic friend kiss.” Yamaguchi burst into another fit of giggles, and Kei felt like his face was on fire.

“How would you know, anyways,” Kei grumbled, looking away.

“Because I’ve platonically kissed Yachi, and since she’s too gay for it to be romantic, it’s very much like that just was,” Yamaguchi explained, trying to stop his laughter. “I know we’re not really in love, but you’re gonna have to try harder if you want anyone to believe–”

Kei wasn’t sure what it was. Maybe, it was the little voice in his head saying, _Yamaguchi kissed Yachi_, on a loop. Or, maybe it was the way Yamaguchi was looking cute, biting his lip to stifle his laughter. Either way, he scoffed and pushed himself up out of the chair, a hand to Yamaguchi’s waist as he pushed him against the desk.

Yamaguchi’s eyes widened before he huffed a final laugh. “Yeah, that might be more convincing.”

Kei brought a hand up to the side of Yamaguchi’s face. “This isn’t my first kiss.”

“Okay,” Yamaguchi said, tilting his head up in a silent challenge.

Kei could almost hear it. _It’s not too late to back out, Tsukki,_ his kind eyes seemed to scream. _You don’t have to do this._

“Is this okay?” Kei asked when their noses touched.

Yamaguchi’s eyes seemed to be falling closed against his best efforts. “Yeah.”

Kei leaned in, brushing his lips against Yamaguchi’s, less stiff than the first time, but just as quick. Even as he pulled away, some invisible force pulled him back in, kissing harder and deeper, pushing Yamaguchi into the desk so hard that Yamaguchi shifted to sit on top of it. And despite this being so much, way too much, Yamaguchi kissed Kei back like there was nothing he’d rather be doing.

Kei moved his hand from Yamaguchi’s cheek to his hair, thinking about how long it was getting, silently hoping Yamaguchi didn’t plan on cutting it any time soon. When Yamaguchi’s hands finally came up to cup Kei’s jaw, touch his shoulders, his arms, his chest his hair, for a moment, he forgot the situation he’d just gotten himself into.

He tried not to focus on that, though, because right then, Yamaguchi’s _tongue_ was _in his mouth_ and if putting himself through emotional hell for a month or so meant also doing _this_ for a month or so, well. It seemed worth it.

Or, it did, up until suddenly his bedroom door was opening and his brother was saying, “Kei, have you and Tadashi had lunch yet– oh my god!”

Kei and Yamaguchi jumped apart, Yamaguchi nearly falling onto the floor with Kei no longer there to stabilize him. Meanwhile, Kei’s mind went into overdrive trying to figure out how to fix the absolutely horrifying situation he’d just been faced with. His thoughts were backed by the sound of Akiteru slamming the door shut and yelling, _I didn’t see anything_, from the hall.

This…was not the plan.

“We tell nii-san,” Kei said simply, fixing his shirt and his hair, and schooling his expression. “Okay?”

Yamaguchi nodded. “I don’t think I’d feel comfortable lying to him,” he agreed, fixing himself. “Um, especially not after–”

Kei grunted his agreement, not wanting to address what had probably just become the biggest elephant in the room.

“Nii-san,” he said, trying to stay as calm as possible when he opened the door.

Akiteru stood in the hallway, sheet white, staring blankly like he’d just seen a ghost.

“We should talk, Aki-nii,” Yamaguchi said, surprisingly calm and collected.

_Right_, Kei remembered, _that was just practice, and not an emotional experience for him._

Akiteru opened his mouth to speak, then snapped it back closed. Kei understood. He’d feel equally horrified if he walked in on Akiteru making out with someone. Except, to be fair, Kei had the decency to _knock_. Seriously, what kind of idiot just walked into a teenage boy’s room without warning? Did Akiteru have some kind of death wish or something?

Yamaguchi took Akiteru’s arm and gently tugged him into Kei’s room. Akiteru sat on the bed, Kei took the desk chair, and Yamaguchi hopped up on the desk.

“We’re not dating,” Yamaguchi began after no less than three silent minutes, trying to get Akiteru to meet his eye.

“Okay,” Akiteru said, absently and somewhat confused.

Kei sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m gay.”

Akiteru nodded slowly. “Okay.”

“I want our parents to stop asking me about girls. I want to come out to them.”

“Okay…”

“So, we thought,” Yamaguchi picked back up, “that if we pretend to date, maybe it would take the stress out of the situation. I mean, your parents already like me, so it might be easier to process Tsukki being gay!”

“That doesn’t explain–” Akiteru cut himself off, shifting uncomfortably.

“Practice,” Kei said flatly. “I think our parents would be a little suspicious that Yamaguchi spends so much time here, we claim we’ve been dating, and yet there’s been absolutely no change in how we act around each other.”

Akiteru nodded, but there was an unmistakable look in his eyes that said, _we’ll talk about this later._

Since Kei’s door was open this time, Akiteru invited himself in, closed the door, and sat beside him on the bed.

“Kei, we should talk about what’s going on with you and Tadashi,” Akiteru began, his earlier horror seemingly forgotten.

“We did,” Kei said, continuing to scroll through his phone. “Yamaguchi will pretend to be my boyfriend for a little while to make it easier to come out to our parents.”

“That’s _not_ how you kiss someone you’re only pretending to like,” Akiteru said, turning to face Kei. “As much as I didn’t want to see it with my own two eyes like that, I always kind of figured…it’d be you two, in the end.”

Kei clicked his tongue. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I can tell that you like him,” Akiteru sighed. “Which is why I think what you’re doing is equal parts selfish and stupid.”

“I don’t recall asking for your opinion,” Kei said, “and it’s none of your business.”

“Hey, you’re almost an adult. You can do what you want,” Akiteru said, holding his hands up defensively. “But if Tadashi thinks that this is only fake for you, then it’s never going to be real. Why only pretend to be his boyfriend, when you could have the real thing with the same result?”

Kei pursed his lips, fingers pausing over his phone screen. “He doesn’t see me like that.”

Akiteru rolled his eyes. “Yeah. I’ll pretend to believe that.”

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?” Kei asked, looking at his brother for the first time.

“It means,” Akiteru began, chopping Kei on the head like he did when they were younger, “that of all the guys _I’ve_ kissed, I only would’ve let the ones I liked kiss me like _that_.”

“Tch, I told you, that was just–” Kei’s voice died out as his eyes widened.

“Oh, right,” said, standing to his feet. “I must not have mentioned. I get it, because I’m bi.”

Kei gaped at him, not sure what to say.

“And I have a boyfriend – a _real_ boyfriend,” Akiteru continued. “So, if you wanted to lighten the blow, we could’ve done this together. I’d invite him for dinner, and we’d both tell ka-san and to-san.”

That snapped Kei out of his surprise. “What? By giving them both a heart attack? Are you stupid or something?”

“Still, we could’ve done this together. And we still can. You shouldn’t get caught up in this charade with Tadashi, though.” Akiteru ruffled Kei’s hair. “I care about you both too much, and I can tell this won’t end well.”

Kei shrugged his brother off, pointedly looking back down at his phone. “I want to meet your boyfriend, you know.”

“You will.”

“He’d better not be an asshole.”

Akiteru laughed, loud and bright. “He isn’t, I promise.”

Kei gritted his teeth; he knew what Akiteru was waiting for. “I’ll…keep you in the loop, about me and Yamaguchi. Or whatever.”

“That’s all I’m asking,” Akiteru said, smile softening. “And by the way, if you want anyone to believe you’re together, you should probably figure out something to call him besides him family name, don’t you think?”

“He still calls me _Tsukki_,” Kei argued.

“That’s a cute nickname that only Tadashi is allowed to use,” Akiteru pointed out. “Think about it. Goodnight, Kei.”

Kei’s nose scrunched up like he’d just smelled something awful, but he replied, “Goodnight, nii-san,” anyways.

On Monday, when Kei met with Yamaguchi to walk to school, he thought about what Akiteru had said, and, unfortunately, he was right.

“Yamaguchi.”

Yamaguchi smiled at him, although it looked a little off. Not that Kei blamed him; it would’ve been weirder if he wasn’t at least a _little_ awkward after what happened on Saturday.

“Nii-san…pointed out that no one will believe we’re dating if I always call you by your family name,” Kei grumbled out. “You can still call me what you usually do, because you’re the only person allowed to do it anyways.”

Yamaguchi tilted his head. “So, what do you want to call me instead? Just Tadashi?”

Kei felt like his face was on fire, but he shrugged. “If you think that’s the best option.”

“There’s not a lot of options,” Yamaguchi laughed. “I can call you Kei sometimes, if that will help.”

_Right, because I’m not already suffering enough._ “Whatever.”

Yamaguchi’s smile looked more normal, though, which relieved some of the tension, so Kei couldn’t really be upset about any of it.

“Should we hold hands?” Yamaguchi asked. “You know, practice?”

_Who the hell needs to practice holding hands?_ Kei thought, but he let his best friend lace their fingers together anyways.

“Are we planning to tell anyone on the team, or at school?” Yamaguchi asked. “I don’t want to push you, if you’re not ready.”

“I don’t care what they think anyways. We should get used to putting on an act for everyone anyways, right?”

Yamaguchi smiled and squeezed his hand. “Yeah!”

While Kei didn’t plan to tell the team outright that he and his co-captain were dating, he figured he could make some sort of effort to show them something was clearly different. Yamaguchi agreed; building up to it seemed like the best idea. So, while they mostly carried on as usual, other than hand-holding, after Yamaguchi was done practicing his serves, Kei decided to step it up a notch.

He noticed Yamaguchi was shaking his hand, like it stung a bit from practice, which gave Kei the perfect opportunity. He took Yamaguchi’s hand, red palm up.

“Tsu-Tsukki?” Yamaguchi squeaked, watching with wide eyes as Kei pressed a gentle kiss to his palm.

“Don’t overwork yourself,” Kei said, and then remembered to tag on, “Tadashi.”

He did his best to ignore his team’s eyes burning into them, walking over to his water for a quick drink before returning to practice. He couldn’t ignore, however, what the idiot duo had to say about it.

“I _told_ you they were dating, Yamayama! Pay up!”

“What? No way! That doesn’t prove anything! Shut up and practice the new quick, dumbass!”

“You just don’t wanna admit you were _wrong_, Bakageyama! You know I’m right!”

“Would you morons shut up,” Kei growled as he walked past. “We’re dating, and it’s none of your business.”

Yamaguchi gaped at him. “That’s how you’re telling them?”

Kei shrugged. “I didn’t want to hear them fighting about it.”

“Okay…”

Fake dating your best friend, as it would turn out, had more perks than just getting to make out with the love of your life or getting your parents off your back. Kei finally had a good excuse to turn down the girls who would confess to him (even though they’d literally never spoken before).

“Sorry,” he said to the one who’d approached him that very day. “I’m already seeing someone.”

“You are?” she asked, looking absolutely crestfallen.

Without prompting, there was an arm around his waist. “Tsukki, you ready to head back to class?”

The girl’s mouth fell into an _oh_, before she turned red and bowed. “My apologies! You two make a very cute couple!”

Once she was gone, Kei snickered.

“You shouldn’t laugh, Tsukki, that’s just mean,” Yamaguchi whined, leaning further into Kei’s side.

There wasn’t anyone around to see the act, but it didn’t really matter.

“Come on, she doesn’t even know me. She’ll be over it by tomorrow,” Kei said. “It’s just funny, because I didn’t realize I’d be getting an easy way out of confessions now.”

Yamaguchi tried to frown, but his own laugh betrayed him. “You’re such a bully, Tsukki.”

“You’re no better,” Kei laughed, pinching Yamaguchi’s nose. “Let’s go back to class.”

Being in class, however, was proving more and more challenging as the day dragged on. All of the weekend’s homework was now associated with what had quite possibly been some of the best kissing of Kei’s short life. And now, as he tried to remember how to calculate an expression with imaginary numbers, his eyes drifted across the classroom to Yamaguchi.

It wasn’t like this was the first time ever that he’d found himself staring at his childhood friend. He’d been in love with Yamaguchi since middle school, and obviously he stared a lot. Maybe not as much as your typical pining Shoujo protagonist, but enough that he knew it was probably too much. This felt different, now.

It wasn’t just fleeting glances to see if his best friend was suffering through this period as much as he was, occasionally meeting eyes and trying not to laugh. Honestly, they were probably _more_ disruptive instead of less, every time a teacher separated them, but it didn’t matter. He wasn’t even just admiring Yamaguchi’s face of concentration – which, disgustingly romantic as it sounded, was beautiful enough on its own.

Kei felt his eyes trail over Yamaguchi’s face and down to his lips no less than seventeen times over the course of the day. He might’ve been subconsciously biting his own, weirdly needy to feel Yamaguchi’s against his again. It was weird.

He’d only ever kissed 1) Kuroo, at training camp in his first-year, because he was sad and touch-starved and Kuroo was too, and 2) Akaashi, at training camp in his second-year, because Akaashi was cute and he wanted to. Both of those experiences, while admittedly great and still made Kei’s brain short-circuit to think about, never left him like _this_. Wanting – needing – more. Those two had just been enough to satiate his curiosity. But with Yamaguchi? He was craving it like he craved shortcake.

It was to the point where he just wanted, _wanted_. What, he wasn’t sure. An empty classroom to push Yamaguchi onto other desk and French him again? Alone time so he didn’t have to think about this stupid rouse? Just to hold hands with Yamaguchi, for like, two seconds?

_God, I’m such a fucking touch-starved gay trope._

When Yamaguchi met Kei to walk home together, there was a different sort of tension in the air than there had been that morning. There was a distance between them now, with no one there to see, and while part of Kei hated it, he was also grateful. If he touched Yamaguchi right then, even by accident, every molecule in his body would probably explode.

Yamaguchi didn’t seem to be fairing much better, which nearly gave Kei hope for the future. Surely you didn’t just get _that_ heated over someone you didn’t have feelings for, right? Or, maybe Yamaguchi was touch starved too. That would make enough sense.

“Yours or mine?” Kei asked, trying to keep his voice neutral.

Yamaguchi shrugged, feigning disinterest. “My parents won’t be home until almost ten…”

They made brief eye contact before turning down Yamaguchi’s street, and if they both picked up the pace, no one needed to know that.

Kei felt like he was going to implode, just waiting for Yamaguchi to unlock the door. He knew how this would go, or at least, how it _should_ go. They would go inside, get something to eat, and head up to Yamaguchi’s room. They would sit at the low table and work on homework for about an hour before ultimately Kei wanted to drill his own brain out, so they’d take a break and watch YouTube together. Then, they’d finish their homework, watch more videos, eat dinner, and one of them would go home.

That was their routine: safe, comfortable, normal.

When Yamaguchi headed into the kitchen to grab study snacks, Kei worked on shutting down his raging hormones. Everything seemed to be proceeding as usual, despite the tension hanging thick in the air. They headed up to Yamaguchi’s room. Still normal.

“What do you wanna work on first?” Yamaguchi asked, pulling out his binder. “I kinda wanted to start with chemistry, if that’s okay?”

“Sure,” Kei said, matching Yamaguchi’s tone. Alright, two could play at the _ignoring the tension_ game.

That was the first break in routine: Yamaguchi sat on the same side of the table as Kei. There was plenty of room, but usually, Yamaguchi sat on the other side of the table. Now, Kei was hyperaware of their proximity, doing his best not to bump elbows, lest he do something completely impulsive. For instance, pushing his best friend onto the table and making out with him again. Or, you know. Something like that.

They worked together, efficient as always, but this time, instead of just the usual distraction when Yamaguchi stuck his tongue out while he worked or pushed his hair behind his ears, everything was _more_. Because even under the unfavorable pretenses, Kei could technically _do something_, instead of just look. God, he _really_ wanted to do something. He wanted to take every advantage of this situation before it was ripped away from him, never to be talked about again.

But that wasn’t fair to Yamaguchi. He was already using his friend, which was shitty enough of him. Kei couldn’t justify taking every opportunity to make out with his best friend, even if that was all he really wanted to do. So, he sucked it up and continued to do homework.

Well, you know, until he ultimately wanted to drill his own brain out, so they took a break.

“I feel like my brain is melting,” he groaned, slamming his head on the table.

“We can take a break,” Yamaguchi said, reaching for his water bottle and taking a slow sip. “We actually finished like half of our homework; I’m impressed! You’re getting better at focusing.”

_No, I just don’t want to feel like I’m taking advantage of you._

“Wanna watch something?” Yamaguchi offered, holding out his phone.

“Sure.” _Even though that means I’ll have to get even closer to you._

They scooted closer to share the screen, the entire sides of their bodies touching. Kei tried to ignore the burning at every point of contact and focus on the video. Except, he was focusing so hard on focusing on the video, that he wasn’t even sure what was going on. He glanced at Yamaguchi, just to find Yamaguchi was already looking.

Their eyes met, and Kei’s breath caught in his throat. _Maybe, it had just been a really good kiss. Maybe, if I kiss him again, we’ll realize we can never recreate whatever happened there. Maybe–_

“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi began, already starting to lean in.

“Yeah?” Kei felt like literal gravity was drawing them together, and– ew, that was disgustingly romantic again. What was _happening_ to him?

“We should probably practice kissing more regularly,” Yamaguchi said, bumping their noses together. “Because if we’re alone together, studying, a real couple would kiss during study breaks.”

Relief washed over Kei like an ocean – finally, an excuse.

“You’re so right,” Kei agreed. His hands practically moved on their own, one to Yamaguchi’s cheek and the other to his waist, wasting no time pulling him into another kiss.

And, yeah, okay, so their obvious chemistry _hadn’t_ been a one-time thing. Because as soon as their lips touched, Kei was on fire again, trying and probably failing to keep his desperation out of it. He could chalk it up to a combination of hormones and not having kissed a guy in over a year. Yamaguchi clearly understood, kissing back just as enthusiastic as Kei.

_I should probably stop_, the rational part of Kei’s brain thought, but it was overruled by the fact that he was already half in Yamaguchi’s lap, and really, Kei might have bitched and moaned about everything that he ever did, but he wasn’t a _quitter_.

When they pulled apart about thirty minutes later, they were both out of breath and flushed.

“It’s kinda fun,” Yamaguchi said, breaking the silence. “But that was a way longer break than we should’ve taken, so I think we need to set a rule.”

Kei hummed, barely able to keep his eyes open. “Okay.”

“No kissing until homework is done.”

Kei huffed a laugh. “Yeah. Okay. That’s fine.”

“Okay,” Yamaguchi said, pulling his notebook back out.

“No,” Kei said, shaking his head. “You’re going to need to go on the other side of the table, if we’re ever going to finish our homework.”

Yamaguchi laughed. “Am I _that_ irresistible, Tsukki?” Yamaguchi teased, looking up at Kei through his lashes.

_God, yes,_ Kei’s mind screamed. Out loud, he only said, “I don’t trust my hormones, so shoo.”

Yamaguchi rolled his eyes, but he did as he was asked anyways. “Alright. Fine. I’ll just be all lonely over here…”

“You’re being dramatic.” Kei threw an eraser at him.

“So mean, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi pouted. “Is this how you’d treat your real boyfriend?”

Kei forced down a smile as he opened up his English notes. “Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

“Sorry, Tsukki!”

Steps one and two of Yamaguchi’s plan were more or less accomplished by the end of the first week.

Their friends had all sent their congratulations, saying shit like, _about time_, or, _I thought you were already together_, which wasn’t particularly comforting. Still, it helped sell this, at least.

As for being used to fake dating, Kei would say they were. They held hands to and from school and in between classes, Kei wrapped his arms around Yamaguchi’s waist when they were together with friends, and well. There was always the fact that they couldn’t seem to stop kissing whenever they were alone.

“We should join a study group, or something,” Yamaguchi said on Friday morning, adjusting his shirt collar as he tried to hide the damage Kei had done the evening before. “Because while we’ve stuck to nothing until we finish our homework, I think we’ve been rushing our homework.”

Kei bit the inside of his cheek to stifle a laugh and fixed Yamaguchi’s collar for him. “We’ll ask the idiot duo and Yachi at practice, okay?”

Yamaguchi narrowed his eyes, a smile on his lips betraying him. “You _like _this, you sadistic bastard.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Kei said, eyes ahead as he started the walk to school.

Yamaguchi knocked their shoulders together. “You like how embarrassing it’s going to be for me having to hide what you _did_,” Yamaguchi hissed. “You’d be so much worse if this was real, I can almost guarantee it.”

“When have I ever taken pleasure from the misery of others?” Kei said innocently.

“Always, and especially when you cause it!” Yamaguchi laughed.

_Maybe_, Kei conceded as he turned to cup Yamaguchi’s face in his hands. _But lately, I seem to be more of a masochist,_ and he brought their lips together, short and sweet.

Movie night was sacred, so Kei resolved to do as he’d always done and not let his feelings get in the way.

He set the bowl of popcorn between them, like always, and ignored Yamaguchi’s pout. _I can do this_.

“Business as usual, then?” Yamaguchi noted, grabbing a handful of popcorn.

Kei nodded. “Movie night is more important.”

Yamaguchi shrugged. “Okay.”

Kei pressed play and reached for some popcorn himself, ignoring when his hand brushed Yamaguchi’s. That had been happening at movie nights since always. He could do this. The feelings were nothing new to navigate. This was simply Friday movie night.

“Are you okay, Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asked fifteen minutes in, pausing the movie. “Because this isn’t a normal movie night. Where’s the snarky comments? Insulting the poor writing?”

“I’m just kinda tired,” Kei lied, eyes fixed on the frozen screen. “Don’t worry about it.”

“We can call it quits whenever you want, you know,” Yamaguchi said hesitantly, laying a hand on Kei’s shoulder. “We can just go back to normal, fake dating forgotten.”

_How could it ever be normal when I finally know what you taste like?_ “I know, Yamaguchi.” After a beat, “The same goes for you. You’re not obligated to do this.”

“I know,” Yamaguchi said, offering a comforting smile. “Thanks, Tsukki. I’m here for you, okay?”

“Okay.”

Yamaguchi ruffled Kei’s hair before pressing play. “So, first of all, the acting really sucks in this movie…”

Later that night, they sat on Kei’s bed, still talking about the week and the movie and the fake dating and, well, everything. It was a normal Tadashi and Kei Movie Night, and Kei couldn’t be more thankful. Sure, Yamaguchi was laying across his lap, but that wasn’t so unusual.

“So, if I wasn’t your first kiss, then who was?” Yamaguchi asked, looking up at Kei. There was no envy or disappointment in his eyes, only humor.

_Right. This isn’t real._ “You’ll make fun of me,” Kei muttered.

Yamaguchi hummed. “Well, _my_ first kiss was with Hinata.”

Kei stared down at him in shock. “_What_?”

“Yeah,” Yamaguchi giggled, “it wasn’t very good. We were first-years and it just happened, I guess. Your turn.”

Kei sighed. “Kuroo-san.”

Yamaguchi sat straight up. “I _knew_ it! I knew you liked him! It was training camp first-year, right? I _knew_ he was more than just a senpai!”

“Shut up,” Kei groaned, hitting Yamaguchi with a pillow. “It was just a few times, and it didn’t even mean anything.”

“Sure,” Yamaguchi laughed, winking. “You totally had a crush on him, and I _knew_ it!”

“I also kissed Akaashi-san last year,” Kei blurted out.

Yamaguchi’s jaw dropped. “You _what_?”

“Yeah…”

Yamaguchi punched him in the arm. “You lucky bastard! You never told me? Fuck you!”

“Tch, I don’t kiss and tell,” Kei said, grabbing Yamaguchi’s wrists so he didn’t get hit again. “I don’t see the point of telling people when it’s not that serious. Week-long flings are nothing to write home about.”

Yamaguchi pouted.

“Don’t give me that, you didn’t tell me either.”

“I guess you’re right,” Yamaguchi sighed, leaning his head against Kei’s chest. “It was just the once though. Every other kiss has been strictly platonic.”

“Yeah.”

_Even ours_, Kei reminded himself. _Even ours._

> _Rules:_
> 
>   * _We can’t keep making out every time we’re alone, Tadashi. It’s blurring the lines too much._
>   * _Movie night is sacred. Until we tell my parents, at least, we have to keep everything normal._

**.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*.**


	2. Rules and Regulations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warnings for: a panic attack happens briefly in this chapter, some heavily implied homophobia, suicide mentioned in the form of an implied Bungo Stray Dogs reference, and underage drinking. I think that's it? Hhhh sorry about that

Like with most of the “fake dating” situation, Kei was significantly more tense than Yamaguchi the next morning. He’d left the notebook by the futon Yamaguchi was sleeping on, and when he woke up before Yamaguchi, dashed out of his own room to make coffee and avoid the situation.

Kei wanted to punch himself. What kind of loser’s hands shook just because he established some boundaries so his crush didn’t realize that his feelings were real? Kei, apparently. Because Kei was officially in the running to replace Hinata and Kageyama as King Moron, dethroning them of their two-year-long title, if he kept this up.

He tried to force his hands to stop shaking. He needed to fill up the damn coffee pot, and he didn’t want to spill coffee grounds and water all over the counter. Especially since last week, he’d given Akiteru a really hard time for doing just that when _he_ made coffee, so if Kei did, he’d be a hypocrite, and hypocrisy was lame.

As it turned out, all his efforts were futile, because a simple–

“Morning, Tsukki!”

–startled him badly enough to spill grounds all over the counter and the floor.

“Shit,” Kei sighed, already turning to find the broom and dustpan.

“Sorry, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi said through a thinly masked laugh. “I can take over making coffee.”

“Whatever,” Kei grunted. He hoped he didn’t sound as tense and anxious as he felt. Kei liked to think he was pretty good at concealing his emotions, but he knew that didn’t work with Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi saw through him clear as glass, no matter how hard he tried.

“I read the rules you put down,” Yamaguchi said, no hesitation or reluctance evident in his voice. Not a single hint that he was going to miss this as much as Kei.

“Okay.” Kei knelt down to sweep the coffee grounds into the dustpan. “And?”

“It’s totally reasonable!” Yamaguchi assured him. “I’m really proud of you for communicating your boundaries! I just want some clarification on the first one.”

Kei cringed. “Okay.” _Here it comes_… He was certain Yamaguchi was going to call him out on the obvious emotional undertones of the rule’s wording. Kei had been way too obvious that he liked Yamaguchi romantically, and now, Yamaguchi would find a way to make him say it.

“Well, you said not _every time_, so does that mean never, or does that mean like, no more than once a week?” Yamaguchi asked, partly through a laugh. He grabbed the coffee pot to fill it with water. “Just to clarify.”

“The second one,” Kei said, because he was an idiot with no self-restraint who lacked the ability to think before speaking, apparently.

“Alright, fair enough,” Yamaguchi laughed. “We definitely have been rushing through our homework lately. Should we decide on a day, or what?”

Kei rolled his eyes, emptying the dustpan into the bin. “That seems a little formal, don’t you think?”

“Hey, I’m just trying to be a good fake boyfriend, Tsukki; I need you to tell me what to do.”

_Fake boyfriend,_ Kei’s mind reminded him on a loop. _This isn’t real, stop killing yourself with this._

“It should be when we don’t have homework,” Kei reasoned, “but Fridays are a hard no, because that’s movie night.”

“So…Sundays?” Yamaguchi suggested.

“I guess, yeah.” Kei rolled his eyes, trying to ignore the heat on his ears.

“Hey! Maybe we can go on an actual fake date, instead of you just having your way with me while we’re studying,” Yamaguchi teased.

“Shut up, Yamaguchi, that’s not how it is.” Kei stared at the coffee brewing, pointedly away from Yamaguchi.

“It’s okay, I get it,” Yamaguchi continued. “Between your raging hormones and my dashing good looks, I’m irresistible.”

“I’m resisting you right now,” Kei countered, risking a glance.

“Yeah, because it’s morning and I’m gross,” Yamaguchi laughed.

And, okay, on a technical level, that was true. Yamaguchi’s hair was a disaster, there was dried drool on his t-shirt from sleep, and Kei had to be glad he was standing a good five feet away from Yamaguchi, because he probably smelled bad (it was the morning, after all). But Yamaguchi was so damn cute all the time that the overwhelming part of Kei’s mind that was stupid in love with him said,

“You’re not gross.”

Yamaguchi wrinkled his nose. “Well, then that makes one of us, because you are, and I wouldn’t let you near me anyways.”

Kei laughed, finally feeling the tension leave his body. “Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

“Sorry, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi said before sticking out his tongue.

Kei tossed a volleyball at the side of the house, catching it when it bounced back to him. It was annoying, knowing he’d done the right thing, but then _still_ managed to screw himself over in the end. _Obviously_, they would have to go on a date. But somehow, Kei forgot about that part of “being convincing”.

A date, followed by kissing. Oh, but no one was even pretending anymore that the kissing was related to the fake dating. No, that was just a thing they both enjoyed. Could you enjoy kissing someone in a platonic way? Well, okay, that was a stupid question. People could, people did. And that was probably how Yamaguchi saw it.

What did people even do on dates? What was Yamaguchi _expecting_? The same things they always did, but with hand holding? Or was Kei supposed to do…_date things_? What the fuck were date things?

_Dammit._ He threw the ball at the wall with no form this time, surprised when someone other than himself caught it.

“You know, if you did that in a game, that wouldn’t get you anything, right?”

Kei clicked his tongue. “What do you want, nii-san?”

Akiteru ignored the obvious annoyance in Kei’s voice. “I wanted to treat my baby brother to lunch!”

“I’m not a baby, and I don’t want to.”

Akiteru ruffled Kei’s hair. “Firstly, you’ll always be a baby to me, and secondly, it’s not just that.”

Kei narrowed his eyes. “You’re not going to try and make me _talk_ about things, are you?”

Akiteru laughed. “No, Kei. I want you to meet my boyfriend. You said you wanted to, didn’t you?”

Kei set his jaw. “Yeah. You’d better not be dating some geek.”

“I don’t know how to break this to you, but _you’re_ a geek,” Akiteru snorted, leading the way to the car. “You already have met him, before we were together.”

“Oh?” Kei said, feigning disinterest.

“That’s all I’m gonna say,” Akiteru said, smile disgustingly giddy as he turned the key in the ignition.

Kei had resigned himself to the concept of a silent car ride before even getting into the passenger’s seat, but it only took to the end of the driveway for Akiteru to start talking. _Typical._

“How are things with Tadashi?” Akiteru asked. And, sure, he always asked about Yamaguchi, but Kei could just _feel_ the judgmental undertones.

“Same as usual,” Kei replied vaguely, because he didn’t have to tell Akiteru _shit_.

“So, you haven’t stuck your tongue down his throat since last week?”

Kei spluttered, face so warm he just _knew_ he was red. “What the ever-loving _fuck_?! You can’t just fucking _say that_?!”

“So, you have then,” Akiteru observed, not even trying to mask his grimace. “You know, there’s no part of fake dating that requires keeping up the pretenses in private like that.”

Kei decided not to dignify that with a response.

“Look, if you love him, then you should really just–”

“No,” Kei said, as final as he could. “This isn’t _your_ life or _your_ crush or _your_ childhood best friend that you’ve been in love with since junior high! So, shut the fuck up! If I want to make an entire fucking mess for myself, that’s my own fucking responsibility!”

“I don’t want to see you two get hurt,” Akiteru said. “I’m not trying to run your life, Kei. I know that it’s your choice. But I’ve seen your relationship change and grow through the years, and other than the horror of _walking in on you_, there was no _surprise_ if you two had ended up together.”

Kei tried to ignore the sour taste in his mouth. “Yamaguchi isn’t good at hiding his feelings. I’d know if he felt the same way.”

“Love is blind. And sometimes, love is stupid as hell,” Akiteru tagged on fondly. “We’re at the café. Come on.”

When they got inside, Kei had to blink about fifty times before he processed who was sitting at the table they’d walked to. Who was the person Akiteru said–

“Hey, babe!”

–to, and then kissed before sitting down.

Because, hold on. How the _fuck_ did his brother end up dating _Udai freaking Tenma_? He was frozen in his surprise, but neither of them seemed to notice or care, since they were busy being gross and in love and _what the fuck_?

“Kei-kun!” Udai said finally, grinning brightly at him. It was so cute that Kei almost tripped. “It’s been a while, how are you?”

Kei stammered out something that he hoped was as aloof as it should’ve been, but based on the amused glint in his brother’s eyes, he assumed it was not.

“So,” Akiteru said after they’d ordered, “do you approve?”

Kei stared pointedly at his napkin. “Whatever.”

“I swear, the only other time you blush this much is around Tadashi,” Akiteru laughed, covering his mouth to stifle the snorts.

“Stop embarrassing him,” Udai chided, light and fond, and – okay, gross, it was pretty terrible to have to see someone looking at Akiteru like he hung the stars, yikes.

“Speaking of Tadashi,” Akiteru continued, and Kei felt himself tense, “is there anything you’d like to ask older, wiser gays for advice on?”

Kei cringed. “You didn’t pull me all the way out here to have the talk, did you?”

“No, of course not,” Udai assured him, huffing out a laugh of disbelief.

“Unless that’s what you need advice on,” Akiteru added seriously, “because safety is important, and–”

“I swear to god, I will get up and walk home, nii-san, so don’t even think about finishing that sentence.” Then, just because he thought it should be cleared up, he hissed, “And I am _not_ having sex with Tadashi, so shut the fuck up!”

“I just want to make sure,” Akiteru said.

Udai lightly smacked his shoulder and gave him a _look_.

“What?”

“Come _on_,” Udai said finally. “You remember being a third-year, right? You’re going to traumatize him, Aki, give him a break.”

While they talked to each other, Kei came to a horrible realization. He _did_ need advice. He needed to know how first dates worked. Shit. That was…pretty fucking terrible. He cleared his throat.

“Hm?” Akiteru turned back to him.

“There is…one thing,” Kei admitted quietly. “But you have to promise you’re not gonna…do that _thing_ where you overreact like it’s the best news you’ve ever heard.”

“I don’t do that!” Akiteru insisted.

Kei gave him a hard stare.

“I promise,” Akiteru relented.

“How are…um…first dates, what do you? How do you?” Kei made a half-hearted series of hand gestures, hoping that conveyed his point well enough.

“Are you and Tadashi going on a date?” Akiteru cooed. “That’s so cute–!”

“Aki,” Udai interrupted, “you’re definitely doing it.”

Kei gave him his best, _I told you so_, look.

“Your brother is hopeless, so I’ll take this one,” Udai offered, leaning across the table and grabbing Kei’s hands excitedly.

On an unrelated note, Kei’s pulse skyrocketed, and he was pretty sure it got ten degrees hotter in the café.

“You need to buy him _flowers_,” Udai said sternly. “They’re not just for girls, you know! As a matter of fact, even when I’ve dated girls, I really liked when they gave me flowers! It’s such a sweet gesture, Kei-kun!”

“Okay,” Kei said, trying to keep his voice from cracking. (Udai’s hands were still calloused, even after all this time of not playing volleyball.)

“And don’t be so stiff and formal about it! It’s just like hanging out! Honestly, half the time, we don’t even _call_ them dates because that’s stressful and just hanging out is simple.”

“Just hanging out,” Kei repeated. “Right.”

“Just hanging out with someone you get to make out with sometimes,” Udai added with a wink, and Kei was definitely begging for the earth to just swallow him whole at this point.

“So, fun. Casual. Flowers.”

“Oh!” Akiteru gasped, way too loudly. “Sorry. _Oh_.”

“What?” Kei groaned.

“There’s a festival tomorrow! With games and rides and food and all of that! You and Tadashi used to go to those all the time when you were little! I think that would be a sweet first date!”

_It’s almost like he forgot it wasn’t real_, Kei mused. “Yeah, I guess that works.”

The conversation, thankfully, switched topics after that, and Kei found that Udai was really easy to talk to. He definitely didn’t question his brother’s taste, even a little.

Standing outside of the Yamaguchi residence holding a bouquet of flowers was quite possibly the most horrific thing that Kei had ever done in his entire life.

He silently prayed a lightning bolt would strike him down, but when none came, he knew he could only knock and hope Yamaguchi was ready – and that neither of his parents opened the door instead.

“Hey, Tsu–” Yamaguchi began as he swung open the door, but he paused with his mouth agape when he saw Kei.

Kei fidgeted under the attention. He knew that Yamaguchi looked at him, but it felt different right then. First, Yamaguchi seemed surprised. Then, he looked like he was going to cry. And then, he smiled so brightly, Kei thought he’d go blind.

“Tsukki! Are those for me?”

Kei blushed and turned away. “Yeah.”

Yamaguchi jumped forward and tackled Kei in a hug. “That’s so sweet, Tsukki! You’ll make such a good boyfriend to someone someday!”

Instantly, Kei felt his heart crumble, but he made sure not to let it show. “Let’s get going, already.”

“Hold on!” Yamaguchi ran the flowers inside before coming out, then leaning over to kiss Kei on the cheek. “Okay! I’m ready! Where are you taking me?”

Yamaguchi took Kei’s hand like it was nothing, treated this like it was a date like it was nothing, and Kei felt like he was being punched in the chest until his ribs broke and punctured a lung.

“You’ll see,” Kei said flatly.

“Come on, give me a hint!” Yamaguchi pleaded. “Is it…dinner?”

“No.”

“A movie?”

“No.”

“Arcade?”

“No.”

“Bookstore?”

“No.”

Yamaguchi pouted at Kei, eyes big and sad. “Please?”

“No,” Kei said, continuing to look straight ahead. “It’s a surprise, and you’ll like it.”

Yamaguchi frowned, his nose scrunching up as he puffed up his cheeks with indignance, and _god_, it was so cute, it took everything in Kei not to stop and kiss Yamaguchi’s entire face. Technically, he could. But he shouldn’t, for his own health. But he _wanted_ to, he always wanted to when Yamaguchi made that face. And one day, they were going to fake break up, and he’d never get to again, so _fuck it_!

He stopped and turned to cup Yamaguchi’s face, not hesitating to kiss him until his pouty expression turned surprised, then giggly.

“Tsukki, come on, anyone can see,” Yamaguchi said, not making any active attempts to stop him.

“Stop being cute, and then I won’t have to do this,” Kei mumbled, pressing one last lingering kiss to Yamaguchi’s temple.

“Sorry, I can’t help it, God just made me this way!” Yamaguchi said, skipping away and flashing a peace sign behind him.

Kei shook his head and followed Yamaguchi along, waiting for their hands to inevitably find each other again. Yamaguchi seemed happier, somehow, more of a skip in his step, and even more fond glances thrown Kei’s way.

And, for a second, Kei wondered if this wasn’t as fake as they were making it out to be. If maybe, just maybe, there was real chemistry, real gravity, pulling them together like objects that had always been hurtling towards each other in space, about to collide in a new way for the first time. It made Kei’s chest ache just to imagine that. The idea that this _could_ be something.

But he knew better, and he refused to dwell on it too long. He would just have to kiss Yamaguchi longer and hold on tighter so he would at least be able to remember this when it was over.

“The festival!” Yamaguchi squealed when they got closer. “Tsukki! We haven’t gone to this in _years_! Come on, I wanna see what sweets they’re offering!”

Yamaguchi started talking a mile a minute, pulling Kei along and occasionally shooting bright smiles back at him. Kei wondered if this was what it would be like if they were together for real. Probably. But more than anything, it felt like…nostalgia.

“Tsukki!! We have to play the games! Come on!” Yamaguchi gasped, changing directions suddenly.

“Come on, Yamaguchi, those things are rigged so you waste your money,” Kei sighed.

Yamaguchi pouted. “I wanna win you a giant stuffed animal! That way everyone knows you have the best boyfriend!”

Heat flooded Kei’s cheeks. “You’re so loud, Yamaguchi.”

“SORRY, TSUKKI!”

If that wide smile was anything to go by, Yamaguchi was not sorry.

“Okay, what do you want to start with, then?” Yamaguchi asked, looking around. “We can do seasonal stuff, or get food, or go on rides, or–”

“Yamaguchi,” Kei interrupted, tugging his best friend to face him. “We can do whatever you want. Okay?”

Yamaguchi’s eyes lit up, and he bit his lip as he looked around some more. “I wanna do bumper cars!”

“Okay,” Kei said, as if he’d be able to deny Yamaguchi anything.

Yamaguchi led Kei by their joined hands, tugging him to the line for bumper cars. It wasn’t very long – it was still early enough that people weren’t at the festival yet – so they were able to get in right away.

Once they were in, Kei remembered how ruthless Yamaguchi with that kind of thing. As soon as the bumper cars were started, Yamaguchi was out to destroy Kei, barely giving him a chance to hit back. While Yamaguchi laughed and rammed Kei’s bumper car into the walls, Kei tried to steer out, all the while getting – ew – lost in Yamaguchi’s smile.

“You’re not even trying, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi accused.

“Give me a second!” Kei barked back, still stuck against the wall. “Asshole, come on, make it a fair fight!”

“You know me better than that, babe!” Yamaguchi laughed.

_Babe_, and Kei’s brain shut down. _And_ then Yamaguchi rammed him into another wall. Yeah. Kei and his bumper car were absolutely down for the count.

“So, because I pretty much had you against the wall the whole time, I guess this means I win!” Yamaguchi cheered.

“Bumper cars isn’t something you’re supposed to win at!” Kei said, still a little in shock from everything.

“Ten years, Tsukki; you’d think you’d learn!” Yamaguchi clicked his tongue. “I’ve always played dirty.”

Kei narrowed his eyes, grabbed Yamaguchi’s hips, and pushed him up against the nearest building.

“This time was different.” Kei murmured, leaning close.

“Oh, what do you mean?” Yamaguchi asked, pursing his lips and looking up. “Getting in the car that had the best chance of pinning yours?”

“You know what I mean,” Kei said, brushing their noses together. “I have you against the wall, what do I win?”

Yamaguchi’s eyes flicked over to him again, down to his lips and back up. “Nothing. We’re in public.”

And just like that, Yamaguchi had pushed him back enough to start walking again, a cheeky smile thrown over his shoulder. Kei’s chest was torn between something of a heartache and absolute admiration for his best friend. Maybe, it had always been that way.

It was so much _louder_ now, though. It wasn’t just convincing a cute boy to be his friend by bragging about his older brother, or being defended by that cute boy a few years later, or having movie night every Friday for _years_. It was…

“Tsukki, come on!”

Yamaguchi was confident, now. Stood taller, smiled wider. He was _brave_, braver than Kei.

_He really is a man who walks ahead of me._

“Tsukki, I’m gonna win you that giant dinosaur plushie,” Yamaguchi vowed, tugging him to one of the stupid games. “I’ve got this, just believe in me!”

Kei rolled his eyes. “These games are rigged, Tadashi.”

Yamaguchi stopped and turned, pouting at Kei. “Believe in your fake boyfriend, will ya? I’ll get it on the first try, too!”

Kei followed him, trying not to get hung up on _fake_, to just follow him to the game and not think about it.

Yamaguchi paid for a chance to play, and Kei kept thinking about it. Because, now that he was _really_ thinking, Yamaguchi never mentioned their situation without the qualifier that it was fake. Like he was reminding Kei at every given opportunity to remember not to get attached.

“Alright, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi said, stretching as he prepared to knock down the pins with the softball. “Get ready to see what the spear of Karasuno can do! Oh!” He turned.

“What?” Kei asked, looking away.

“Kiss for good luck!” Yamaguchi said, leaning forward.

“You’re so embarrassing,” Kei muttered, giving Yamaguchi a kiss on the cheek.

“Boo, what luck will _that_ give me,” Yamaguchi complained before turning back. “But I guess I’ll just have to compensate with my own skills…”

Five balls, three pyramids to knock down.

Kei watched as Yamaguchi threw the first ball, knocking down a pyramid with ease. He threw Kei a casual smile over his shoulder, then wound up for the next one. Kei wondered why he never thought about how good pinch servers would be at this sort of thing. The precision, everything Yamaguchi had worked for almost three years to master…okay, he should’ve expected that he’d be good at this.

Yamaguchi knocked down the second pyramid like it was nothing, and the woman running the booth looked a little nervous.

“Baseball?” she asked casually, eyebrows furrowing as Yamaguchi prepared to throw the next one.

“Volleyball,” Yamaguchi corrected before taking down the final pyramid.

“He’s a pinch server,” Kei said, because what else was he meant to say.

“Pick something,” Yamaguchi said, pulling Kei closer.

“I don’t really–”

Yamaguchi rolled his eyes and pointed to a plastic dinosaur on the counter. “We’ll take that.”

Kei’s face heated up. That was definitely the sort of thing that an eight-year-old would choose, not a seventeen-year-old.

“Don’t be embarrassed, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi laughed. “He’s gonna be a paleontologist,” he added to the woman.

“Shut up, Yamaguchi,” Kei mumbled, accepting the dinosaur when Yamaguchi handed it over. “Now what?”

Yamaguchi puffed out his cheeks. “You’re not going to marvel at my incredible skills back there? Tsukki! I did that in one try!”

Kei felt his face get warmer, and he looked away. “Yeah, well. It was pretty cool, I guess.”

“You _guess_?” Yamaguchi laughed. “Okay, that’s it! I’m going to keep winning you things until you can compliment me properly, let’s go!”

Before Kei could argue, Yamaguchi grabbed his hand and tugged him to the next game.

Half an hour later, Kei had prices shoved in his arms, so Yamaguchi bought a bag from one of the little shops around.

“Sorry, Tsukki! I got carried away!”

Kei huffed a laugh and adjusted the bag on his shoulder. “You’re so embarrassing, Yamaguchi.”

“What was that?” Yamaguchi asked, batting his lashes at Kei.

“You’re so embarrassing, _Tadashi_,” Kei corrected himself, scrunching his nose up at Yamaguchi.

“Better! See, a slip like that could totally ruin the charade! Now, let’s go ride the Ferris wheel!”

“Wait,” Kei said, tugging on Yamaguchi’s hand. “Can we do that when it gets a little darker? I wanted to get something to eat.”

“Hm?” Yamaguchi glanced around, then saw the place offering shortcake, and laughed. “Alright, come on. Although, that’s not a real meal, Tsukki!”

They walked to the shop, Kei trying his best not to think about their joined hands. It had been like that most of the afternoon, and he wasn’t sure he could handle it much longer. Whenever Yamaguchi reminded him that this wasn’t real, he felt like he was getting hit with a volleyball in the stomach.

Maybe he should – _ugh_ – have listened to Akiteru. Maybe he should have just confessed to Yamaguchi instead of waiting to see how this whole train wreck would play out. He hadn’t even told his parents yet, and this wasn’t getting any easier. More natural, maybe, but it was still hard on his heart.

_Maybe it’ll get easier now that we won’t be all over each other every day after school?_

They hadn’t even discussed their plans to fake breakup, which was so frustrating. It was like Yamaguchi didn’t want Kei to forget it was fake, but also wasn’t helping figure out how it would end. They couldn’t just fake date forever!

_Well, technically…_

No! They couldn’t! That would be so stupid! Kei wouldn’t last if they even considered that.

“Tsukki, are you okay?” Yamaguchi asked when they sat down with their food. “You seem a little lost in your head?”

“I don’t want to ruin our ‘date’,” Kei said, being sure to put _date_ in air quotes.

Yamaguchi laughed and reached across the table to squeeze Kei’s hand. “It’s okay! If there’s something on your mind, forgetting we’re fake dating. I’ll just be best friend Tadashi, okay?”

_So easy for you to turn it on and off_. “I just…I want to tell my parents soon.”

“Okay!” Yamaguchi smiled. “That’s what you thought would ruin it?”

“No,” Kei sighed. “But when…are we going to…break up?”

Yamaguchi’s smile faltered for a fraction of a second. “I guess it depends, Tsukki!”

“On what?”

Yamaguchi pursed his lips and looked up as he thought. “Well, do you like someone? Like, are you going to be pursuing a relationship any time soon?”

“No, between school and the team, I don’t want to really think about that,” Kei replied easily, knowing that for the right person – for Yamaguchi – he’d cross that line.

“Okay, but you know if we ‘break up’, your parents will go right back to trying to set you up.”

“So, you’re suggesting what? We fake it till graduation?” Kei asked, trying not to sound incredulous or hopeful.

“Well, think. It makes sense to break up before college, right? So, I mean…” Yamaguchi shrugged. “Unless you really want to do it sooner, which I totally get–”

“No!” Kei said, much too fast and far too desperate. “I mean, no. You’re right. It’s a good plan. You’re totally right.”

Yamaguchi grinned at him, but it seemed pained. “I expect dates every Sunday, Tsukishima Kei.”

“Of course you do,” Kei snorted, shaking his head and turning his attention to the strawberry shortcake before him.

They ate in silence for a few moments before Yamaguchi reached across the table for Kei’s face.

“You’ve, ah…” Yamaguchi swiped at Kei’s lips with his thumb. “Crumbs.”

Kei tried to ignore the way his breath caught at such a simple touch.

“I’ve never been on a Ferris wheel before,” Yamaguchi said, sliding in close to Kei. “It’s so pretty at night, all lit up like this!”

“I went on one with nii-san once,” Kei said, not sure what to do with his hands. “Wait until you see the view from the top.”

Yamaguchi smiled, then picked up Kei’s arm and put it around himself. “This is how couples sit on Ferris wheels, according to every book, movie, and fanfiction ever, Tsukki.”

Kei hoped the low evening light would hide his blush. “Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

“I have to admit, I didn’t think you’d be shy, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi mused. “In private, you’re so… but in public, it’s like you don’t want anyone to know you have feelings. You _do_ know that public is where it matters, right?” Yamaguchi laughed.

“It’s embarrassing,” Kei mumbled, looking away. “Even if…I’d still…you know.” Kei couldn’t bring himself to call it fake, not out loud. It made it feel too final.

“Tsukki.” Yamaguchi gently nudged Kei’s chin so he’d face him again. “It’s okay.”

Being this close…Kei couldn’t help it. _God, I sure think that a lot, huh?_ “Tadashi…”

Their noses brushed, and Kei fought a second longer to keep his eyes open, not to give in, but Yamaguchi’s breath stuttered too. His long lashes brushed Kei’s cheek as his eyes fell closed, and that was the only thing it took to break Kei’s resolve.

It was just a gentle brush on lips, nothing like the desperation of the previous week. Soft and hesitant, like there was something different. Was there? Cupping Yamaguchi’s face in his free hand, Kei hoped so. Even when they parted, their foreheads pressed together. Kei’s thumb slowly traced Yamaguchi’s cheekbone, thinking about the freckles that scattered across it like stars.

“You kinda look like a cyclops from this close,” Yamaguchi whispered, a smile tugging his lips again.

“You really know how to ruin a moment,” Kei laughed, pressing a lingering kiss to Yamaguchi’s forehead. “Alright, you’ll want to see how the city looks. We’re almost at the top.”

Yamaguchi readjusted to actually see the view, and Kei watched as his eyes widened. “It’s so pretty!” he murmured in awe. “And the sky from up here!”

Kei nodded, briefly looking at the sights before looking at Yamaguchi again.

_Yeah. Yamaguchi is prettier, I think_.

And it was at that point that Kei reconciled with the fact that he was absolutely, completely, and utterly fucked.

“Thank you for today,” Yamaguchi said when Kei walked him to his door. “It was a lot of fun!”

Kei nodded, a blush fighting its way back onto his cheeks. “Well, it was your idea.”

“Yeah, but you planned it,” Yamaguchi said, taking Kei’s hands in his. “And it was amazing, Tsukki. I’ve never been on a date before this and…I think I really like it. With the right person, I mean, um…” Yamaguchi’s eyes widened, but he shook his head and carried on. “Tsukki. You’re a natural at this fake boyfriend thing.”

Kei shrugged, hoping Yamaguchi’s slip meant _maybe_ he felt the same way. “You too.”

“I think this is the part where you kiss me goodnight,” Yamaguchi said, suddenly shy as he bit his lip and looked away.

Somehow, Yamaguchi’s shyness gave Kei some confidence. He stepped forward, gently using his thumb to pull Yamaguchi’s bottom lip away from his teeth.

“You’re probably right,” Kei murmured, leaning down.

Their lips met briefly, but Kei wasn’t taking another soft kiss that day. He gently pushed Yamaguchi against the front door, finding a rhythm to kiss him harder and longer and deeper, praying to whatever gods were listening that this wouldn’t have to end any time soon.

Yamaguchi’s hands didn’t stay still, which was…different from other times. They were in Kei’s hair, on his back, holding onto his shirt, on his face, the back of his neck, everywhere. Of every time they’d done this, Kei was usually the desperate one, not Yamaguchi. This was…new.

Yamaguchi made a noise against Kei’s mouth, and Kei pulled back in surprise.

“Sorry!” Yamaguchi squeaked out. “I – um!”

“I think this is the part where you invite me in,” Kei teased, leaning back down to kiss his way down the column of Yamaguchi’s neck. “Offer me a coffee or tea, and we pretend we’re just going to sit and talk some more.”

Yamaguchi shivered, and Kei nearly jotted that down as a mental win before suddenly, Yamaguchi was pushing back. One last harsh kiss was pressed to Kei’s lips, and then,

“You should probably go home, Tsukki!”

“Wh– Tadashi!” Kei gasped, a little surprised at his own whining.

Yamaguchi threw him an easy smile. “Sorry! My parents are home. So, I’ll see you for school tomorrow! Bye!”

And just like that, he was gone.

Kei gaped at the closed door before someone tapped on his shoulder. He jumped so high he nearly hit his head on the awning.

“It’s just me, Kei,” Akiteru snickered. “I came to see if you two were back yet.”

“How long have you been there?”

Akiteru shrugged. “When I got here, you were gaping at the door like a puppy who just got kicked out.”

_Oh, good, we didn’t traumatize him a second time._ “Okay.”

“You’re not going to do something stupid like try and climb in through Tadashi’s window, are you?” Akiteru asked knowingly.

“It might have crossed my mind,” Kei admitted.

Akiteru hummed, nodded, then squatted down for leverage to throw Kei over his shoulder. “Yeah, I’m taking you home. And then you’re going to take a cold shower. And then we’re going to have that talk you keep avoiding.”

True to his word, Akiteru was waiting in Kei’s room when he’d gotten out of the shower.

“What,” Kei sighed, running a towel over his hair so water wouldn’t drip on his t-shirt. “Go on, talk about it.”

“Kei. How long do you and Yamaguchi plan to–?”

“End of the school year.”

Akiteru hummed. “Okay. So, you’re going to pretend that the guy you actually like is your boyfriend for like, seven months?”

Kei gritted his teeth. “Don’t say it like that, nii-san. We agreed we’re not going to make out all the time or anything like that, okay? We’ve started to set better rules.”

Akiteru lightly chopped Kei on the head. “You two are going to get yourselves hurt.”

Kei shrugged him off. “Whatever. Are you going back to your place tonight?”

Akiteru shook his head. “I’ll leave tomorrow.”

“Alright.”

There were a blissful few seconds where everything was okay.

Kei was unlocking his front door, Yamaguchi beside him, both fully planning to do some homework in the dining room before heading to the living room to watch movies. It would stop their make out sessions, because Kei’s parents and Akiteru were home, so hopefully they’d get some things accomplished this evening.

But then the door opened.

And Yamaguchi’s parents, Kei’s parents, Akiteru, and an old lady Kei believed was their neighbor all stood in the living room as though they were waiting to stage an intervention.

“What did you do?” were the first words out of Kei’s mouth as he glared at Akiteru.

Akiteru, looking incredibly out of place, paused midway to taking a sip of his orange juice. “Uh, I’m as confused as you are, Kei, sorry.”

“Kei, Tadashi, why don’t you sit down, boys?” Kei’s mother said.

“Did someone die?” Yamaguchi asked anxiously, looking at the overwhelming number of adults in the room.

“No, Tadashi,” Yamaguchi’s mother sighed. “Our neighbor just…filled us in on something she saw last night, and was asking if we were aware.”

Kei’s blood ran cold. _No. No, no, no, you can_not_ do this to me–_

“She thinks–” Kei’s father took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. “She believes that she saw the two of you…_kissing_.”

Kei was certain he wasn’t breathing anymore. They kept talking, but all he could feel were the walls of his chest closing in on itself, lungs tight and screaming for air but he couldn’t _breathe_ and this wasn’t what was meant to _happen_ and he was supposed to have control of this situation and–

“Shut up!” Akiteru barked suddenly. “Okay, auntie, thank you for getting our parents involved. Please, this is a family matter, so if you’ll–”

“Of course,” she said, throwing a casual disgusted look in Kei’s and Yamaguchi’s direction.

Kei was shaking, a little surprised that he wasn’t crying given the burning in his eyes. _This wasn’t how they were supposed to find out, I was supposed to tell them on my own time–_

“T-Tsukki,” Yamaguchi whispered, gently touching Kei’s arm.

Kei flinched, harder than he meant to, trying not to look at the hurt expression on his friend’s face.

_You can’t take this away from me, you can’t make me tell you–_

“Ka-san, to-san, auntie, uncle,” Akiteru said gently. “Please, give them a moment. I’ll sit with them, okay?”

The parents seemed reluctant, but they left the room.

Akiteru knelt in front of Kei. “Hey. I didn’t know, or I would have warned you.”

Kei nodded, numbness setting in.

“We…were going to tell them anyways, right?” Yamaguchi offered softly. “I know that doesn’t make it better.”

Kei shrugged.

Yamaguchi reached out, slower than the last time to give Kei time to move away. When Kei didn’t, Yamaguchi’s hand settled on his cheek, and Kei leaned into it, squeezing his eyes shut. What could make this situation just go away?

“I’m gonna talk to them real quick,” Akiteru whispered. “I’m gonna tell them about Tenma and me, and try to convince them to…I don’t know. Not act like you committed a felony, alright?”

“Thanks, Aki-nii,” Yamaguchi said, tracing his thumb over Kei’s cheekbone. “I’m so sorry that coming out got taken from you like this. It’s all my fault.”

Kei wanted to argue, but it was like his vocal chords didn’t want to cooperate.

“I know,” Yamaguchi continued. “You don’t think so, but…I shouldn’t have teased you, right? She never would’ve caught us like that. I feel like I’m totally using you, or something, and I don’t want to do that. I just…I don’t know what I was thinking, Tsukki. I’m sorry.”

Kei covered Yamaguchi’s hand with his own. It was the best he could do to tell Yamaguchi it wasn’t his fault.

“I’m sorry,” Yamaguchi repeated.

“No,” Kei muttered, voice cracked as he recovered from the mild shutdown. “Don’t, because you…you didn’t…”

Yamaguchi leaned his forehead against Kei’s, a tear falling. “I feel like I messed it up for you.”

Kei brought his free hand to Yamaguchi’s hair, existing in the moment while trying to pretend he couldn’t hear the hushed murmuring in the kitchen.

“You got this?” Yamaguchi whispered when footsteps headed towards the living room again.

Kei nodded. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

“Alright, Tsukki.”

They moved so there was a bit of room between them, but Kei held onto Yamaguchi’s hand. He needed the moral support.

When the adults returned, he took a steadying breath, and said, “I’m gay. And I get to say that before you take it away from me, okay?”

Akiteru gave him an encouraging smile while the rest just gave an unimpressed look.

“You know,” Yamaguchi added, “I already came out to you as pan! I don’t know why you act so shocked that I’d have a boyfriend! I mean, were you hoping I’d just follow the status quo and get a girlfriend anyways?”

Kei schooled his impression so he wouldn’t smirk. _Playing the defensive, nicely done, Tadashi._

“Frankly, coming out is terrifying,” Kei said, “and maybe I wanted to keep this to myself before our parents got involved. But _honestly_, could you actually see me, gay or not, liking, much less _loving_ literally anyone other than Tadashi?”

_That’s a little more on script_, he thought to himself. _And way too honest._

“It’s true, he has like two other friends,” Yamaguchi confirmed.

“Shut up,” Kei said, incapable of not laughing now.

Even Akiteru let a laugh slip at that.

Kei’s mother frowned. “Wait, there’s a misunderstanding! We don’t care that – okay, that’s the wrong words, we _care_, but we’re not _upset_ that you’re together. We’re happy for you, Kei, Tadashi.”

The Yamaguchis nodded their assent.

Kei opened and closed his mouth before settling on, “Oh.”

“We just,” his father began before cringing a bit, “wanted to be sure you were being…responsible. Neither of you have dated before, and we wanted to be sure you were…prepared. And making good choices.”

“Good choices,” Yamaguchi’s father agreed stiffly.

Kei sank into the couch and groaned. “Please, don’t do this.”

“While we think you’re too young,” Yamaguchi’s mother began.

“_Ka-san_!” Yamaguchi interrupted, eyes wide. “We’re _not_ having sex.”

“Oh my _god_,” Kei groaned, scrubbing his hands over his face.

“Protection is important!” Yamaguchi’s mother pressed through, which shouldn’t have been surprising. She was a doctor, but _come on_, _please_.

“Auntie, I’m begging you,” Kei pleaded.

“Even for oral,” she continued sternly. “I believe that you aren’t having sex now, but I remember being a teenager–”

“Someone kill me,” Yamaguchi whined, putting his head in his hands.

“–and hormones make you do things that sometimes you wouldn’t do! It’s important that if you find yourself in that situation–”

“To-san, make her stop,” Yamaguchi begged. “We know about safe sex!”

“Maybe you should let them hear it from Akiteru-kun,” Yamaguchi’s father suggested. “It’s probably weird having to hear it from parents, dear.”

“Knowing _about_ safe sex isn’t the same as understanding,” Kei’s mother said, sticking with Yamaguchi’s mother.

“Tadashi, could I interest you in a double suicide?” Kei asked, rolling his head over to look at Yamaguchi.

“You can’t do a double suicide alone,” Yamaguchi muttered.

The next half hour was filled with way too many details about things that Kei and Yamaguchi already kind of knew about, and ended with a box of condoms and lube.

“_Dear god_,” Kei gasped, throwing them to the floor like they’d burned him. “_Auntie_.”

With that horrifying discussion in mind, the pair hurried to Kei’s room. Against his better judgment, he slammed and locked the door behind them.

Once the door was closed, Kei heard a choked noise. He turned to see Yamaguchi, eyes bright with laughter, biting on his fist to hide a smile. As soon as they made eye contact, though, they both started laughing.

Kei leaned back against the door to support himself and Yamaguchi collapsed on the bed, heaving as he tried to catch his breath between giggles.

“God, that was _awful_!” Yamaguchi laughed, face red, a few tears falling from his eyes. “I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to be set on fire more in my _life_.”

Kei’s laughter caught in an ugly snort, but he couldn’t find it in himself to be embarrassed. “Our poor dads, they looked like they were more traumatized than _us_.”

“I almost pissed myself when Aki-nii corrected my mom,” Yamaguchi said, stifling what was caught between a laugh and a sob.

Kei stopped immediately. “That wasn’t funny, I don’t want to think about why he knew that.”

Yamaguchi tried to contain himself for a moment before saying, “He’s probably a bottom,” in way too serious a voice. It took half a second before he lost it again.

“Shut _up_,” Kei said, grabbing a pillow to hit Yamaguchi with. “Come on, I don’t wanna think about that!”

“I bet Aki-nii didn’t want to think about us being together either, so it’s only _fair_ Tsukki,” Yamaguchi laughed, holding his arms up to protect himself. “Tenma’s a lucky man, really, because Akiteru has–”

“I will throw you out of my window if you finish that sentence,” Kei warned, barely able to continue stifling laughs.

“Truth?” Yamaguchi said, gently pulling the pillow from Kei’s hands. “Aki-nii was my gay awakening.”

“_What_? Ew!”

Yamaguchi took Kei’s shock as an opportunity to pull him onto the bed. “And by the way, you did _not_ pull your weight in that conversation _at all_! Groaning and begging them to shut up was not helping, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi hit Kei with the pillow this time.

“It would’ve been suspicious if I did more than that,” Kei argued, trying to grab Yamaguchi’s wrists. “Don’t want them to realize this is fake, do you?”

Yamaguchi made a face at him before laughing more and pinning Kei to the bed. “I can’t believe you closed the door. Now they definitely think we’re fucking.”

“What’d they expect? They practically gave us an instruction manual and a fuckton of rubbers,” Kei snorted. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to have sex now, because I’m going to hear our moms explaining it in way too much detail.”

“You know what, I bet that’s the goal,” Yamaguchi realized, resting his chin in his hand and his elbow on Kei’s chest. “To get us thinking about our moms so we never actually _do_ anything… Although, thinking about _your_ mom–”

“Don’t say it!” Kei wrapped his legs around Yamaguchi’s waist to push him down on the other side of the bed. “The threat to throw you out the window still stands.”

“You wouldn’t,” Yamaguchi said, fluttering his lashes. This was different though – less like his _fake boyfriend_ was teasing him, and more like his best friend was, and that…was nice. He sort of missed being able to feel like that.

Except then, Yamaguchi was squirming underneath him, laughing and trying to push Kei off but not trying that hard, and all the feelings came rushing back. Without thinking, Kei had started to lean closer.

“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi whispered, holding Kei’s face in his hands. “Weren’t we _just_ talking about how much of a turn off that conversation was?”

“Tadashi, I’m seventeen. It’s very difficult to stay turned off for longer than five minutes,” Kei replied seriously. He experimentally dragged his lips along Tadashi’s jawline, who just giggled.

“Tsukki! Homework. And _your_ rule,” he added, squeezing Kei’s sides where he was most ticklish.

Kei gasped and rolled away. “Fine, I guess you’re right.”

“Don’t worry. Just six more days and then you can give in to your disgusting animal urges to make out with me again,” Yamaguchi teased, jumping off the bed before Kei could retaliate.

“Tch.” Kei rolled after him, grabbing his backpack. “I guess you’re right.”

“You’re so surprisingly needy,” Yamaguchi teased. “Like, would you be this way or worse with a real boyfriend?”

“Worse,” Kei mumbled, glaring at his homework.

“It’s just because you’re overdue for a good make out with a senpai,” Yamaguchi thought aloud. “I mean, this is around the time each year you kissed Kuroo-san and Akaashi-san, right?”

“You’re not a senpai,” Kei pointed out.

“You’re right,” Yamaguchi conceded, “I guess I’ll just have to do until you find one in uni, then.”

Kei clicked his tongue, keeping down a smile. “Alright. Help me with math.”

It was strange, after that. The tension hadn’t completely dissipated, but Kei and Yamaguchi were a little better at keeping things compartmentalized. Holding hands was for every day at school, kisses on the cheek were for a good practice, and dates and longer kisses were for Sundays and Sundays only.

For a good two months, they held to that. And then, even kisses started to fade out of their alone time, as they became more focused on preparing for their final Spring Tournament. It wasn’t like everything was back to normal, though. They were still _intimate_, in a way that they weren’t before. Casually tangled legs while they worked on homework and taking notes on old matches, cuddling on the couch when they watched movies, the way Kei didn’t mind how Yamaguchi played with his hair.

It stopped being awkward, horny teenagers pretending to date, and became more like, Friendship Plus. And it still didn’t feel like enough, when Kei thought about it late at night.

“You should tell him,” Akiteru said, handing Kei his boba tea.

This _brotherly bonding_, or whatever the hell Akiteru thought it was, had become a weekly occurrence, for some reason. Probably because he wanted to fill the role of _concerned onii-chan_, but Kei didn’t see the use. Whatever. At least their relationship was…repairing, in ways.

“You tell me the same thing every week, nii-san,” Kei muttered around his straw. “It’s not gonna happen.”

“Ooh! You should confess on _Halloween_! That’s coming up, and it was always such a special holiday for you two–!”

“No,” Kei interrupted. “You’re just going to have to let go of your weird fantasy that I’m going to marry my oldest friend, okay? Tadashi doesn’t even see me like that.”

Akiteru rolled his eyes. “I can’t keep having _that_ conversation with you, Kei. And when did you start calling him by his given name all the time?”

Kei clicked his tongue. “Force of habit.”

“This isn’t just a crush, Kei,” Akiteru said softly. “I think you’re in love with him.”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Kei snapped. “You think I’m not _painfully_ aware of that, every time he reminds me we’re not really together?”

Akiteru pursed his lips. “I’m sorry.”

“You want to know how I am, right?” Kei continued, absolutely fuming. He didn’t lose his temper much, if ever, but right then, if he didn’t start yelling, he might have started crying, and he didn’t really feel hydrated enough for that.

Akiteru nodded, silent, like he understood.

“I feel like shit!” Kei declared, almost dropping his boba with his wide hand gestures. “I feel like he knows how I feel but he’s too fucking nice to say anything, and that’s why he won’t even kiss me on the mouth anymore! I feel like when we go to university, when we break up, it’s going to end more than this shitty charade that was just supposed to fool ka-san and to-san! Alright!”

When Akiteru realized he was done, he stepped forward to put a hand on Kei’s shoulder. He offered no words, just a squeeze.

Kei was thankful that his brother stayed silent for once.

“It’s gonna be totally awesome!” Hinata cheered, jumping up and down. “Tanaka-senpai says we’re finally old enough to go to his and Noya-senpai’s Halloween party! And we get to stay the whole weekend at Noya-senpai’s family’s cabin! You guys are coming, right!”

“We’ll be there,” Yamaguchi said, only half-listening as he sifted through his notes for the upcoming practice match with Shiratorizawa. “Won’t we, babe?”

Kei considered taking advantage of how Yamaguchi was obviously not hearing this to say no, but he knew Yamaguchi would be pissed, so he just groaned. “Whatever.”

“And Noya-senpai says there’ll be six rooms, so that’s one for him, one for Tanaka-senpai and Ennoshita-san, one for Yachi, one for me, one for Kageyama, one for Tsukki, and…” Hinata frowned and counted on his fingers. “Hey, wait a minute!”

“Dumbass,” Kageyama scoffed. “Tsukishima and Yamaguchi will share a room, obviously. They’re dating, remember?”

Hinata rolled his eyes. “How can anyone forget when they’re always ogling each other across the room when they think we can’t see?”

“We can hear you, Shrimp,” Kei said without much malice. After nearly three years of knowing the idiot duo, he’d gotten used to their nonsense.

Yachi looked up from her phone. “Kiyoko-san says she, Suga, Daichi, and Asahi are coming too,” she said, “so Kiyoko will be with me, Asahi with Noya, Suga and Daichi together. Hinata, Kageyama, you’ll have to room together.”

Hinata gave a longsuffering sigh, which Kei was about a thousand percent sure was fake. Honestly, the fact that those idiots weren’t together yet was unbelievable. Then again, everyone had seemed to think the same about Kei and Yamaguchi, so what did he know?

“I’m kinda glad everyone else is sharing a room too,” Yamaguchi noted as they set their stuff in the room. The bed was big – big enough to fit the two of them without it being too awkward. “Takes off the pressure.”

“What pressure?” Kei snorted, reaching into his overnight bag for his costume. “That they all thought we were gonna–”

“_Tsukki_, don’t say it,” Yamaguchi gasped, face bright red. “But yes. Now, it’s just what everyone is doing.”

“They probably still think we’re going to,” Kei pointed out, pulling off his shirt. “They’re disgusting and nosy like that.”

Yamaguchi gave an empty laugh. “Right. We haven’t even kissed properly in a month, but yeah, we’re totally going to fuck while our teammates can hear.”

“It’s not like they know that,” Kei pointed out, searching Yamaguchi’s eyes to try to see why he sounded so bitter. “Tadashi?”

“Nothing,” Yamaguchi lied, putting on a fake smile that Kei had been seeing a little too often lately. “Forget it, alright? Let’s put on our costumes and hope that we have fun at this lame party.”

“What am I forgetting?” Kei asked. “It’s not like you’ve been exactly jumping at the chance either, you know? Like it was fun for a week and then you were over it.”

“You don’t really think I see this like that, do you?” Yamaguchi asked. “I swear, I’ve kissed _Hinata_ more in the last two months than I have you, and we’re supposed to be a _couple_, Tsukki!”

Something about that stung. “You still kiss Hinata?”

“Yeah, so what? It’s not like this is real, Tsukki.”

“You’re sure getting pissed off like it’s real!” Kei argued. “And – and if it was real, would you still kiss Hinata?”

“I don’t know, because it’s not real, and it never will be, so I really can’t say I’ve thought about it,” Yamaguchi snapped back. “Can you hurry up and put on your damn costume?”

“We’re not going out there while we’re fighting, Tada–”

“Would you _stop_!” Yamaguchi pleaded. “We’re alone. You don’t have to call me that, so just stop, okay?”

Kei had no idea what was happening, or why Yamaguchi was mad at him, but he slowly pulled on the rest of his costume.

“Real couples fight too,” Yamaguchi added when he reached for the door handle. “No one will be surprised, just maybe worried, okay? Your secret is safe.”

“I’m sorry,” Kei said, wrapping his arms around Yamaguchi’s waist. “I don’t really know what I did, but I’m sorry. I’ll do better.”

Yamaguchi took in a shaky breath; a telltale sign he was trying not to cry. “I think I’m just like, touch-starved or something, and a little on edge from our test yesterday. It’s fine, okay?”

Kei hugged him a little tighter. “You should just tell me that stuff. You always did before.”

“It’s different now, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi held Kei’s arms in place. “Everything is different.”

“I’ve always been here to hug you when you’re touch-starved or overwhelmed,” Kei murmured against Yamaguchi’s neck. “I don’t want that to change, and if this fake dating thing is changing it, then we can fake break up. Okay? You’re allowed to ask for it to end.”

“I know,” Yamaguchi said, turning in Kei’s hold. “I know you’re not forcing me to, and you barely asked me to. But I told you I’m in this for you, okay? I’ll…try to communicate better.”

Kei pressed their foreheads together, hoping it didn’t cross any boundaries. He knew that Yamaguchi was right, it _was_ different now. They’d pushed some barriers they never would have otherwise. Kei wanted to hang on to the naïve hope that it would somehow play out for the better, though.

“I…I’m so glad we’re going to Nationals,” Yamaguchi whispered. “I want to end our last year of high school on a high note, you know?”

“Then, what?” Kei prompted, absent-mindedly pressing a kiss to Yamaguchi’s forehead.

“Everything is changing, and it’s going by so fast,” Yamaguchi said, biting the inside of his cheek. “And…Kageyama is already lined up for the National team, and Hinata wants to go to fucking _Brazil_, and… Tsukki, what are we doing?”

“We can figure it out,” Kei promised. “We will figure it out.”

Yamaguchi nodded, then pulled back to wipe at his eyes. “Alright, let’s go to this stupid party and stand in the corner to watch our old teammates get blackout drunk.”

As it would turn out, surprisingly, a drunk Kiyoko was even scarier than a sober one. After downing two beers in fifteen minutes (Tanaka choked on his soda and Noya blew vodka out his nose in their surprise), she slammed a Monopoly game on the coffee table. Then, once the others had gathered, she went back to grab Kei and Yamaguchi.

“You two are being boring,” she said simply. “Let’s go. We’ll play Monopoly.”

And well, it was _Monopoly_, at a _Halloween party_, so Kei, foolishly, figured: how bad could this be?

Very bad.

His first clue really should’ve been the look of dread his former senpais seemed to share. Asahi, begging her not to bring it out should’ve been the second. Daichi and Suga deciding they were going to retire to their rooms early, the third.

Of course, that didn’t last, as Kiyoko followed them and dragged them back to the group.

“Let’s make it a drinking game,” she wagered, holding up a bottle of vodka.

Noya and Tanaka cheered. Asahi paled.

“I’m going to die of alcohol poisoning,” he whispered to Kei.

“How do you make a drinking game out of _Monopoly_?” Kei asked.

Kiyoko grinned, and it was kind of feral, and, okay, Kei had always been a little scared of Kiyoko, but right then, she was terrifying.

“Well, that’s simple,” she assured him. “We all start with one sip of beer. Roll doubles, drink some water. Land on a property that you buy, drink water. When you pass go, drink a whole glass of water. Land on someone else’s property, take a sip of beer. Take a shot if there’s houses and two shots for a hotel. Land in jail, drink an entire beer before your next turn to get out.

“Community chest, everyone else has to take a shot. Go bankrupt, take a shot. Utilities and luxury tax are a sip of beer. Oh, and if you land on a property that you can’t afford to pay to be on, you have to drink the rest of whatever alcohol the property owner has.” She clapped her hands together once the board was set up. “Any questions?”

“What do we get if we win?” Noya asked, eyes lit up.

“You get to wake up without a hangover, hopefully,” Kiyoko laughed. “Let’s do this.”

“Love how she worked in some hydration,” Yamaguchi snickered, taking a sip of his beer. “God, this is disgusting. I feel like I’m drinking stale bread.”

Kei wrinkled his nose at the smell of his own beer. “I wish they’d had hard cider. Isn’t it the season for that?”

“How would you know if that’s better?” Yamaguchi giggled.

“My brother told me,” Kei replied. “I’ve never drank before, and now I see why.” He took a tentative sip, forcing himself to swallow it down.

Everyone started the game pretty well hydrated, which was apparently Kiyoko’s intent.

(_“I don’t want my boys getting alcohol poisoning,”_ she’d said, making the former second- and third-years all swoon.)

Actually, it wasn’t too bad at all, until Ennoshita went to jail.

“Shit,” he muttered, glaring at the fresh bottle of beer Kiyoko handed him. “Do I have to?”

“Yes,” Kiyoko replied, shooting him a wink.

Ennoshita only withered. “I never did anything to deserve this, senpai,” he complained before taking it and trying to chug it as quickly as possible.

“Slow down,” Tanaka laughed, patting his boyfriend’s back. “You’ve got a moment before your next turn.”

After that, things started to go downhill.

Kei felt like his head was swimming, and everyone around them was getting drunker with each time around the board. Well, everyone but Kiyoko, who seemed quite lucid, and Yachi, who was the only one good enough to go toe-to-toe with Kiyoko in Monopoly. Suddenly, Kei understood his senpais’ dread. It made sense now.

By the end of the night, everyone stumbled back to their rooms, exhausted and out of it.

“Jeez, I never want to drink again,” Yamaguchi complained, face-planting on the bed. “Tsukki, is the bed spinning?”

Kei frowned at the bed, trying to figure out the answer to that. “Mm…no, but…I don’t think it’s staying still,” he decided, taking a wobbly step towards it. “I think Kiyoko was trying to kill us.”

“Apparently she’s a monster at Monopoly,” Yamaguchi replied, voice muffled by the sheets. “Asahi-san says she’s always been like this, but then when she found drinking games at uni and came up with this version, she’s been unstoppable ever since.”

“She’s so cool,” Kei said through a yawn, falling beside Yamaguchi on the bed. “You’re so cool.”

Yamaguchi made a confused noise before burrowing into the covers. “M’kay. Night, Tsukki.”

Kei huffed a laugh. “Goodnight, Tadashi.”

Kei felt lucky when he woke up without a hangover. Yamaguchi was laying on his chest, watching him sleep, and seemed okay himself.

“Hangover?” Yamaguchi asked quietly, tracing absent-minded shapes onto Kei’s chest with his finger.

Kei shook his head. “You?”

Yamaguchi smiled and shook his head. “Good morning.”

“Morning,” Kei replied.

A content warmth blossomed in his chest, threatening to spread through his whole being before he reminded himself: this wasn’t real. But it had been a while since they’d been together like this, and it was a nice change of pace.

Maybe that was why he did it, he considered in hindsight. The domestic, warm feeling that maybe, just maybe, Yamaguchi was feeling what Kei did. But he leaned up just enough to brush their noses together.

“It’s Sunday,” he murmured, a breath away from Yamaguchi’s lips.

Yamaguchi’s eyes lit up, and he wasted no time closing the space between them.

Kei practically melted against Yamaguchi’s lips. He’d missed this, more than he realized someone could miss anything. Kei shifted his weight so he only needed one arm to support himself, using his freed up hand to thread his fingers through Yamaguchi’s hair. From Yamaguchi’s contented hum, Kei thought maybe he wasn’t the only one who’d missed this.

For once, there was no hurry, no rush, no desperation in the way their lips came together. Just slow, gentle, sleepy brushes of pliant lips, the occasional press of a tongue, hands in each other’s hair…

_I want to always wake up like this,_ Kei thought fleetingly, leaning up to meet Yamaguchi’s pace, faster but no more desperate than before. He didn’t have time to think about it, though – not with Yamaguchi’s hand playing with the hem of his shirt. And, god, Kei was so glad they hadn’t done anything while they were drunk, because it would’ve ruined what was an otherwise perfect morning.

He rolled them over, starting to trail kisses over Yamaguchi’s cheeks, the bridge of his nose, his eye lids… Yamaguchi giggled and opened his eyes, impossibly soft and fond. It hurt Kei’s heart to look at him directly, but not in a bad way. Kei bit his lip, wondering if Yamaguchi would get embarrassed if Kei marked up his neck again, the way he had in that very first week.

“What?” Yamaguchi asked, blushing and squirming under the attention.

Kei wondered if it was even possible to be this _soft_ for someone. He rested their foreheads together, just for a brief moment, before he started kissing along Yamaguchi’s jaw and down his neck.

Yamaguchi squeaked and pulled at Kei’s hair. “Tsukki,” he warned.

Kei smiled against Yamaguchi’s skin. “Hm?”

“I know what you’re thinking,” Yamaguchi said, pinching Kei’s sides.

Kei hummed, continuing to kiss along the column of Yamaguchi’s throat, sucking at his collarbone. “What am I thinking?”

“That you’re gonna–” Yamaguchi broke off in a soft gasp when Kei gently bit at his neck.

“Gonna what?” Kei prompted, hiding his laugh in Yamaguchi’s shoulder.

“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi grumbled, hiding his face in his hands.

Kei breathed a laugh, sitting up and pulling Yamaguchi’s hands down. “Still so easily embarrassed, Tadashi?”

Yamaguchi blushed harder and pushed Kei off of him. “It’s still only like seven,” he realized, looking at the clock on the nightstand. “I’m going back to sleep.”

Kei moved closer to wrap himself around Yamaguchi. “Alright.”

Yamaguchi, despite how annoyed he’d been acting, melted into the embrace. It didn’t take long for his breathing to even out. Kei was content just to watch him sleep for a bit.

“I love you so much,” he whispered into Yamaguchi’s hair before drifting off himself.

Kei woke up to an empty bed.

He squinted against the sunlight filtering through the window, grabbing for his glasses that should have been on the nightstand. He sighed in relief when he found them, then sat up in confusion when a piece of paper fell off of them. He reached for it, and once his glasses were on, he looked at it.

> _Rules:_
> 
>   1. _We can’t keep making out every time we’re alone, Tadashi. It’s blurring the lines too much._
>   2. _Movie night is sacred. Until we tell my parents, at least, we have to keep everything normal._
>   3. _No kissing of any kind. Not on the lips or the neck or the cheek or the hand or the forehead, none of it. Sorry, Tsukki_

Kei’s eyes scanned the page over and over, trying to figure out if he’d missed something. What would have changed Yamaguchi’s mind? Unless…

A sense of panic and dread settled in Kei’s stomach, eyes burning. _Yamaguchi heard him._ That was the only explanation. He’d heard Kei tell him he loved him. And he didn’t feel the same. It was the only thing that made any sense. _He wasn’t asleep, he heard…_ Yamaguchi knew Kei was in love with him.

Kei couldn’t breathe.


	3. Something Real

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So not much to warn you except maybe a little bit of angst? And there's a part that's maybe? A little "steamy"? But it's not that steamy LMAO

Unlike with most of the “fake dating” situation, Yamaguchi was significantly more tense than Kei at breakfast. Kei didn’t have the energy to be tense. He felt like his heart had been ripped right out of his chest, and there were no emotions left.

“Hungover?” Noya guessed, laughing and slapping his back.

Kei tried to glare, but he could feel his facial muscles refusing to make any expression. Immediately, Noya noticed, and Kei silently cursed his former senpai’s perceptiveness. That was part of why he’d never liked Noya: he could read Kei too well for being someone who wasn’t Yamaguchi.

_Yamaguchi_.

Yamaguchi pushed food around his plate absently, eyes dead and mouth set in a frown. He flinched when Kei’s elbow accidentally bumped him, and Kei stood up abruptly.

“I’m not hungry,” he said, hoping his small appetite would mean they believed him. But it didn’t matter. Because Yamaguchi seemed repulsed by Kei’s feelings, and nothing mattered, and he’d ruined the best friendship he’d ever had.

The only other friend he had was Yachi, and maybe Kiyoko, and while he loved them both (but don’t tell them that), it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t a decade of fights and friendship and growth and pushing each other to be better. It wasn’t what he had with Yamaguchi.

He slammed the door when he got back to the room. _Might as well start packing everything back up,_ he figured, throwing his overnight bag on the bed.

Kei replayed the early morning in his head a thousand times, over and over and over. What had he been _thinking_, admitting he was in love with Yamaguchi like that? Out loud? While Yamaguchi was laying in his arms? He was such an _idiot_! No one fell asleep that fast. Seriously, someone should have just told Kageyama and Hinata right then, they’d been dethroned, long live the new king of dumbassery.

He was just about done stuffing things in his bag when the door opened.

“Tsukki?”

Kei took a deep breath, hoping he didn’t seem as angry as he felt. “Yeah?”

“Remember when you set rules, and we talked about it?”

Kei turned to see how nervous Yamaguchi looked. “Yeah.”

“I think…” Yamaguchi bit his lip and looked away. “I don’t know. I just…I want to help you. And I can’t do that if we…”

Kei searched Yamaguchi’s face for anything: a sign of disgust, apology, rejection. He only found…guilt?

“I really like kissing you, Tsukki, and that’s why we can’t keep doing it,” Yamaguchi said softly.

_What does _that_ mean?_ Kei wondered incredulously, hoping his face didn’t reflect that.

“You’re allowed to set boundaries,” he said instead. “I don’t want you to have to make sacrifices for me here. You…shouldn’t have to do that, Yamaguchi.”

Yamaguchi nodded, furiously wiping at his eyes when he realized he was crying. “Hand-holding, hugging, cuddling…that stuff is still okay,” he said. “I think that’s kind of…we could’ve been doing that our whole friendship. So, yeah.”

Kei turned back to his bag so Yamaguchi wouldn’t see how much this was killing him. “Okay. Yeah. Totally.”

“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi said, reaching out for Kei’s shoulder. Kei shrugged him away. “Tsukki.”

“It’s fine, Yamaguchi,” Kei lied.

“If it was really fine, you wouldn’t be using my family name again,” Yamaguchi argued, voice heavy with hurt. “I guess we should get ready to catch the train, right, Tsukki?”

“Yeah,” Kei said, closing his bag. “Yeah.”

Kei didn’t go to school on Monday.

Irresponsible, he knew, but his entire body felt heavy, and he thought if he tried to get up, he’d just collapse anyways. Maybe he really was sick, and not just heartbroken. It’d be sort of lame if this was all just because he’d been basically rejected by the boy he’d been in love with since they were in elementary school.

Around noon, his bedroom door opened.

“Kei? Ka-san asked if I could stop in and check on you. She says you’re sick,” Akiteru said. “I brought soup.”

“I don’t want soup,” Kei grumbled, pulling the covers tighter around himself.

“I had a feeling,” Akiteru sighed. “I also brought strawberry shortcake. Come on.”

_Damn it,_ Kei thought. He rolled over and clicked his tongue. _Stupid onii-san, knowing my weakness for cake._

Kei pulled himself out of bed, reluctantly following his older brother down to the kitchen. He felt like a zombie, emotionally dead instead of physically. He slumped in a chair, accepting the fork Akiteru offered him with no resistance or commentary.

After a couple of minutes of eating cake in silence, Akiteru cleared his throat. “So, what happened, Kei? It’s not like you to skip school.”

Kei shoveled in another bite of cake, futilely hoping Akiteru would just drop it. He knew better than to think he really would, of course.

“Something happened with Tadashi, right?”

Kei narrowed his eyes across the table. “Why do you think it’s about Tadashi?”

Akiteru’s lips quirked up into a smile. “Because, Kei, I’ve only seen you this dejected once before,” he said knowingly.

Kei frowned, confused. When the hell had that been?

Akiteru’s smile widened. “You were nine years old, and the Yamaguchis went on a vacation for a week, took Tadashi with them, obviously. You barely got out of bed for anything but food and the bathroom that whole week, and you refused to talk to anyone.”

Kei’s face burned. Maybe he vaguely remembered that…

Akiteru laughed. “And then, when Tadashi came over as soon as he got back, you two curled up in your bed together, and–”

“Enough!” Kei snapped, feeling like he was two seconds away from erupting into embarrassed flames. “I get it, you’re old and remember every fucking thing that’s ever happened to me.”

That just made Akiteru laugh harder. “You’re the only person who’s surprised that you fell in love with him; you know that, right?”

At those words, Kei tensed. “Nii-san…I messed up, I think.”

The laughter faded from Akiteru’s eyes, replaced with gentle concern. “Okay?”

“Yesterday morning, Tadashi and I…when we were at Noya-san’s family cabin, well, we…” Kei tried to think of a delicate way to say that he made out with his best friend, _again_, this time under covers and sheets, in the intimate light of the early morning. God, that was such a flowery description. Who even was he?

“You didn’t sleep together, did you?” Akiteru asked, searching Kei’s face for confirmation.

“If you mean _literally_, yeah, but for the last _fucking time_, I’m not having sex with Yamaguchi!” Kei put his head in his hands. If he had to confirm one more time that he wasn’t having sex with his fake boyfriend, he was going to lose it.

“Then, what happened?” Akiteru asked, as if nothing else could’ve been that bad.

“We kissed.”

“Yeah, that’s not new,” Akiteru pointed out.

“It was…different,” Kei muttered, pushing cake around the plate. “And, I mean, it was _really_ different. I…this is so fucking stupid. I had to keep stopping though, just to _look at him_, because apparently I’m completely whipped now, or something.”

Akiteru hummed, gesturing for Kei to continue.

“I was still so tired, I just…wasn’t thinking, you know? And when we started to fall back asleep, I said…I said that I was in love with him.”

Akiteru’s eyes lit up. “Kei, that’s great! Did he say–”

“He didn’t say anything,” Kei interrupted. “I woke up to an empty bed, and he added a rule that we can’t kiss anymore, at all, ever. Not on the hand or the cheek or, anything.”

“Oh, Kei…” Akiteru’s face fell. “I– so, you don’t know for sure if he even heard you?”

“Come on, nii-san! Grow up! He heard, alright? He just doesn’t love me!”

The silence that followed was deafening.

“You happy now?” Kei bit, standing up. “You were right. I put myself in a stupid situation.”

“Of course I’m not happy, stupid,” Akiteru said, following after Kei. “I just don’t understand! Tadashi has _always_ liked you.”

“Oh, and he’s what? Told you that?” Kei asked.

“Well, no, but–”

“Please, just stop,” Kei begged. “I’m tired of hoping he feels the same, okay? I just want to get through the rest of this damn schoolyear so everything can just…go back to the way that it was.”

Kei deserved a medal for the amount of pain he put himself through for the sake of an act that was barely on show for anyone but himself, Yamaguchi, and the gods.

It was Yamaguchi’s birthday. Or, tomorrow was, but it was nearing midnight, so functionally, it was Yamaguchi’s– okay, that’s not the point. The point, is this was something Kei had done every year they’d known each other. Unresolved tension was not going to stop Kei from being the first person to tell his best friend happy birthday, _especially_ given it was his eighteenth.

So, there Kei stood, like the idiot he had become, wondering if the tree that led up to Yamaguchi’s window would still be strong enough to hold his weight. Probably; it still held Yamaguchi’s, after all, and while Kei was taller, Yamaguchi was more…compact? Had more muscles? He weighed more than Kei, was the point. So, it would probably be fine. Right? Right.

Kei took a deep breath and tried to psych himself up to climb this tree. It should’ve been practically muscle memory at this point, but the way that they’d barely spoken since the Halloween incident filled him to the brim with reluctance.

What if Yamaguchi thought it was weird that Kei still showed up? What if Yamaguchi realized that part of why Kei had done this all these years was because it was the only way he’d known how to tell Yamaguchi he loved him?

It was too late to overthink it now, though. Kei was starting to freeze in areas of his body he was rather fond of, so he bit the bullet and pulled himself into the tree.

_Not so bad…_

As he climbed, he noted that Yamaguchi’s bedroom light was off, which meant that he was either actually asleep, or pretending to sleep but actually reading fanfiction on his phone under the covers. Against his will, the corners of Kei’s mouth quirked up into a fond smile. Every single thing Yamaguchi did was so inarguably, unforgivably cute. His life would be much easier if he’d befriended literally anyone else.

But, he wouldn’t trade Yamaguchi for anything. Heartache and all.

His fingers easily found the places he knew the window was vulnerable, as passively annoyed as every year previous that it hadn’t been fixed. Yamaguchi insisted it was the way Kei slept with his window unlocked should Yamaguchi need him in the middle of the night. Having a constant vulnerability in his window did not strike Kei as the same as a conscious and easily reversable decision on his part.

That was something he could scold Yamaguchi for once he got the window open, though.

It didn’t take long, which was good, because Kei was getting more and more paranoid the longer he was there. Given how cold he’d been the last week or so, he wouldn’t have been surprised or even offended if Yamaguchi threw him right back out the window.

Maybe he’d deserve that.

He got the window open enough to wedge himself in, just to feel it try to close on his back. Kei bit back a yelp of pain, tumbling through the window onto Yamaguchi’s bed.

“Sorry,” Kei said as he fell to the floor.

“Tsukki?” came Yamaguchi’s groggy voice. “You – you still came.”

Kei didn’t need the lights to be on to know that Yamaguchi was tearing up.

“You’re turning eighteen,” Kei whispered back. “You thought I wasn’t going to be here to wish my best friend a happy birthday? Just what kind of jerk do you take me for?”

Yamaguchi rolled off the bed to wrap his arms around Kei. “Thank you, Tsukki,” he murmured.

It was only a moment before Kei felt dampness where Yamaguchi’s face was pressed against his shoulder.

“Ew, Tadashi, you’re snotting on me,” Kei said with a grimace, pulling a bit out of Yamaguchi’s arms to look at him.

For a moment, as his eyes adjusted to the moonlit room, all he could do was look. It was horrible, going over a week without looking into his best friend’s eyes like this. He was drawn like a moth to a flame, like Yamaguchi’s eyes were his north star guiding him home. Kei found the way that he’d craved Yamaguchi’s lips that first week, he craved just about everything else about him now. Like he’d been starving.

“Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asked, squeezing Kei’s arm.

Kei drew in a shaky breath. “I was ignoring you, like the emotionally constipated dick I am, and that wasn’t fair to you. I’m sorry. I’m not mad at you; I’m mad at myself. I shouldn’t have made you suffer with me.”

Yamaguchi smiled softly and brought a hand up to Kei’s cheek. “I know that it was a sudden change to ask for. It’s been hard for me too.”

Part of Kei’s chest ached to lean in and kiss Yamaguchi and tell him it wasn’t his fault, but most of him just wanted to lean into Yamaguchi’s hand, feeling the warm and familiar comfort.

He heard the Yamaguchis’ clock chime downstairs, and he offered Yamaguchi his best exhausted smile. “Happy birthday, Tadashi.”

Yamaguchi beamed at him. “Thank you, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi stood up, pulling Kei up with him. “Let’s go to bed, okay?”

Kei held back the urge to kiss Yamaguchi’s head. Instead, he nodded. “Okay.”

Once they were tucked under covers – covers that had hardly changed in the last ten years – it was an instant portal to something simpler. Yamaguchi adjusted to lay on Kei’s chest, like a million times before, and they fell asleep like that.

Kei does his best to not be so distant, after that. He only has about a sixty-percent success rate, unfortunately, and tends to withdraw into his own world during breaks and whenever he and Yamaguchi aren’t alone.

Like, now. Class was on a fifteen minute break, and he could’ve spent that time with Yamaguchi and the idiot duo, but the idea of that was…far from appealing. Yamaguchi laughed and smiled and was just too beautiful to look at directly. So Kei opted to rest his head on his desk, earphones blaring whatever music his phone decided to shuffle through.

He should’ve known better than to leave it on shuffle, though, as Troye Sivan’s voice started pouring through with _Talk Me Down_, possibly the last thing Kei needed to hear right then. He groaned, unsure if he really wanted to go through the effort of changing it.

Kei didn’t notice someone was next to him until one of the earphones was pulled out. He turned to see Yachi, listening to the music with a thoughtful expression.

“Kinda depressing, Tsukkun,” she noted. “Good, but sad. You okay?”

“My music is on shuffle,” he said, because it was true.

She gave a soft, knowing smile. “Yeah, but you look sad. I – not that I’m trying to pry! But you haven’t seemed okay since Halloween. I just wanted to make sure nothing happened between you and Yama-kun.”

Kei let out a long breath. Something in him wanted to tell Yachi…_everything_. She was one of his only non-Yamaguchi friends that he liked more than half the time.

“Not here,” he said, a quick glance to the others.

She nodded, standing up. “Okay.”

He led her to the hall outside the library, where people were least likely to be gathered at this time, wondering where he was meant to start. The beginning? What happened on Halloween? The fact that he wasn’t really dating Yamaguchi at all, but he was hopelessly in love with him?

“Whenever you’re ready, Tsukkun.”

He wrung his hands. “It’s a long story.”

“That’s okay!”

So, Kei told Yachi…everything. From movie night to his long-standing crush on Yamaguchi, to the fake dating, to their first kiss, to the first date, to the rules and the desperation, and finally, Halloween.

Kei was a little surprised how little Yachi was blushing when he found himself giving just a bit too much detail on kissing Yamaguchi, only nodding like she understood. But, then again, she had kissed Yamaguchi before. So. Obviously she understood.

It wasn’t the same as confiding in his brother, who, despite his best efforts, always wanted to _fix, fix, fix_, more than listen. With Yachi, she listened, nodded, held Kei’s hand when his voice broke, and offered kind and understanding smiles so he’d go on. And a weight fell off of him, the more he talked about it, which came in the form of a few embarrassing tears, but Kei knew Yachi wouldn’t judge him.

Yachi squeezed his hand when he was done. “That’s a lot to be keeping to yourself, Tsukkun.”

“My options in confidants are a bit limited, Yacchan,” Kei pointed out with a breathy laugh, using his free hand to wipe away drying tear-tracks.

“Dummy,” she tsked, chopping him on the head. “You could’ve come to me sooner. I’m very good at listening.”

He laughed, a little more genuinely this time. “I know. Thanks.”

“You should probably tell Yama-kun, you know that, right? Or, stop fake-dating him,” she suggested. “But I know. Both of those are easier said than done.”

“I just feel like an idiot,” he sighed, slouching down. “This whole thing was my idea, and I took all of three minutes to get way too caught up in it.”

“Being in love makes you dumb,” Yachi said thoughtfully, tapping her cheek. “I don’t think Yama-kun would reject you if he knew how you really felt, though, Tsukkun. I think your brother is right, and he didn’t hear you.”

Kei let out a strangled whine and hit his head against the wall. “Then, what else could it have _been_?”

“Maybe he feels like you did, and that was just too intimate and real for him,” Yachi suggested. “I know it’s scary, though, so whatever you do, I’ll support it.” She beamed up at him, and Kei ruffled her hair.

“Thanks.”

“Well, I am your senior,” she said seriously.

“You’re like two weeks older than me, Hitoka-chan,” he laughed, standing and pulling her up with him.

“That’s Hitoka-_senpai_ to you, fetus,” Yachi said, cheeks puffed out.

Kei laughed harder, tugging her back to their classroom. “Thanks for listening to my lame drama shit.”

“That’s what friends are for, dummy,” Yachi said. “And frankly, you should utilize your other friendships more, for the things you feel like you’re not ready to tell Yama-kun about.”

Kei rolled his eyes, but he knew she was right. “Thanks,” he said again.

After that, Kei would say he was doing…better. It was a little easier to deal with his likely unrequited crush, because he didn’t feel so alone in his suffering. And if he brought Yachi little snacks or gave her new star-scrunchies, he wouldn’t admit it. No one seemed to think anything of it, which Kei supposed made sense. He’d always been nicer to Yachi than other non-Yamaguchi people.

Slowly, November became December, and Kei thought he and Yamaguchi were once again falling into a comfortable routine that accommodated their situation. No one seemed to look at them like they were seconds away from “breaking up”, which Kei appreciated, and he didn’t miss the kissing so much anymore.

Hand-holding and hugs were really a great supplement for all that, anyways. It was nice just to be close.

That’s what he kept telling himself, at least.

So, by the time the Yamaguchis threw their annual holiday party on Christmas Eve, Kei wasn’t even worried about it. His heart hammered at the sight of Yamaguchi wearing a red suit and a green tie, but that was nothing new. Kei’s heart jumped into his throat whenever Yamaguchi wore _anything_, honestly.

“Tsukki!” Yamaguchi called when he saw the Tsukishimas had arrived. “Oh, hi, Aki-nii! U-Udai-san?!”

Udai laughed from where he was attached to Akiteru’s arm, pulling Kei’s brother a little closer. “Hi, Tadashi-kun. I hope it’s okay that I tagged along?”

“Of course!” Yamaguchi bowed at a perfect ninety degrees. “Please, make yourself at home, Udai-san! If you need anything, just ask!”

Kei clicked his tongue and pulled his best friend back up. “You’re so embarrassing, Tadashi,” he murmured.

“You almost swallowed your tongue when you saw I was dating him,” Akiteru reminded him, oh-so-kindly.

Yamaguchi snorted. “Nice, Tsukki.”

“Shut up, Yamaguchi,” Kei said, face on fire. “Let’s go…somewhere that isn’t here.”

Yamaguchi cackled as Kei dragged him into the kitchen, poking and pinching at Kei’s flaming cheeks.

“You’ve got a crush on _Udai-san_,” Yamaguchi teased in a sing-song voice. “So cute, Tsukki.”

“Stop,” Kei whined, slapping Yamaguchi’s hands away from his face. “I don’t…I just noticed he’s…not unattractive.”

Yamaguchi started laughing again. “He’s fucking gorgeous and you know it.”

“Ugh, and he somehow decided my _brother_ was in his league?” Kei shook his head, turning to look for something to drink. “I hope nii-san kisses the fucking ground he walks on.”

“Don’t worry, Kei-kun, he does.” Udai laughed as he entered the kitchen. “Tadashi, your mom said there was soda in here?”

“Yes, in the fridge, Udai-san,” Yamaguchi said, biting back a laugh while he watched Kei’s face explode into a whole new shade of red.

Udai left the kitchen without another word, and once he was gone, Yamaguchi started laughing again. He leaned on the counter, wiping tears out of his eyes.

“Tsukki, you should see your _face_, oh my god!” He was gasping for air between laughs, fanning his face as he tried to calm down.

“Shut _up_ Yamaguchi,” Kei said, hiding his face in the fridge as he continued searching for a drink.

“Sorry, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi giggled, coming up behind Kei to hug him. “You’re just so cute when you’re flustered, you know?”

Yeah, like _that_ wasn’t making Kei’s condition worse. He buried his face in his hands.

“Aww, Tsukki, are you embarrassed?” Yamaguchi cooed, rocking Kei in his arms. “You’re so easy, I love this.”

Kei could only groan. Were this anyone else, he’d have a snarky remark on hand, but Yamaguchi was like, his sarcasm kryptonite. Was that a thing? He didn’t know, but Yamaguchi was pulling him out of the fridge and closing it, probably because it was getting way too cold in the room. Kei was pulled flush against Yamaguchi’s chest, his best friend still giggling against his shoulder, and…

Oh.

So much for ridding himself of wanting to kiss Yamaguchi.

Well, Kei supposed that wasn’t different from how it had been before they started fake dating. He’d imagined many times what it would be like, kissing Yamaguchi. Actually, when he kissed both Kuroo and Akaashi, he’d wondered what it might be to kiss Yamaguchi instead. _Would he be coy, like Kuroo? Dominant, like Akaashi?_

But it also _was_ different. Different, because Kei knew exactly how Yamaguchi kissed, and yes, he was coy, but _not_ like Kuroo, dominant, but _not_ like Akaashi. He was soft and sweet and just so…_Yamaguchi_. And now, when he wanted to kiss Yamaguchi, he knew exactly what he was missing out on.

Kei was shaken out of his thoughts when Yamaguchi grabbed his hand to pull him back to the main party. That was the last place Kei wanted to be, but he knew that there was really no sense fighting it. His options were limited. He could go home, alone, or convince Yamaguchi to go up to his room, but right then, it was better to be with people. Maybe that would take his mind off of his best friend’s lips.

His best friend, who was putting candy cane lip balm on said lips.

And Kei really wanted to know if it would taste more minty or sweet.

He shook his head. Now was not the time. Surely there was something else to think about… Kei focused on the Christmas music filling the living room. It was mostly that poppy stuff that Akiteru blasted the whole season, and if Kei had to hear _Santa Baby_ one more time while his brother hummed along, putting up decorations, he was going to lose it.

(But, horrible as it was to face, it was sweet to see Akiteru holding Tenma in his arms and humming it. They were a disgustingly good couple. Ugh.)

“Oh, good idea!” Yamaguchi’s mother said, hopping over to the phone providing music to the speakers. “Kei-kun, Tadashi, why don’t you come here and pick a song we can dance to?”

Kei set his jaw and tried to avoid glaring at his brother. He knew that Yamaguchi’s parents loved this stuff – dancing, singing, anything that would make a fun and festive party. So, he and Yamaguchi walked hand-in-hand to look at their options.

“I don’t think this is a Christmas song, ka-san,” Yamaguchi noted, “but it’s probably the best for slow-dancing.”

“What are you talking about? Christmas is in the first line of the song,” she argued. “We’ll do that, then!”

Yamaguchi shook his head and laughed, pulling Kei to a more secluded corner of the room.

“She’s going to expect us to dance,” he whispered, putting a hand on Kei’s waist. “If that’s okay?”

Kei nodded, a little uncertain, and put a hand on Yamaguchi’s shoulder. “Just don’t be surprised if I accidentally step on you,” he warned.

Yamaguchi laughed, soft but full, one of the laughs that scrunched up his nose. “Likewise.”

They held one another’s free hand and tried to step in time with the beat.

_We could leave the Christmas lights up ‘til January_

“That doesn’t make this a Christmas song,” Yamaguchi snickered.

_This is our place, we make the rules_

“Oh well,” Kei laughed, subconsciously stepping closer.

_And there’s a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you dear._

Yamaguchi was always beautiful, but something about the glow of Christmas lights and decorations really suited him. Kei couldn’t look away from his eyes.

_Have I known you twenty seconds, or twenty years?_

When he realized he’d been staring, Kei blushed and glanced away, only to have Yamaguchi follow his gaze.

_Can I go where you go?_

“Don’t be embarrassed, Tsukki.”

_Can we always be this close, forever and ever?_

“You’re meant to look at the person you dance with,” Yamaguchi said, stepping back to spin Kei.

_Take me out, and take me home_

Kei stumbled back into Yamaguchi’s arms, more embarrassed than before.

_You’re my, my, my, my_

Yamaguchi giggled and put both arms around Kei’s waist. “Clumsy.”

_Lover_

Kei clicked his tongue and set his hands back on Yamaguchi’s shoulders. “You did that just to trip me, Tadashi.”

“Maybe…” Yamaguchi looked up at Kei through his eyelashes, though, and Kei couldn’t find it in him to complain more.

_We could let our friends crash in the living room_

“We still on for our Christmas movie marathon night?” Yamaguchi asked, stepping a little closer as he continued to lead.

_This is our place, we make the calls_

“Obviously.” Christmas movie marathon night was as much of a staple tradition in the Kei-Tadashi friendship as their regular Friday movie nights, after all.

_And I’m highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you_

“Good,” Yamaguchi said, beaming at him. “I wouldn’t want to miss it for anything.”

_I’ve loved you three summers now, honey_

“Me neither.”

_But I want them all_

This time, when Yamaguchi spun Kei, he was prepared.

_Can I go where you go?_

Yamaguchi caught him, closer than before. “Nice, Tsukki.”

_Can we always be this close, forever and ever?_

“I’m a fast learner,” Kei murmured, leaning a little closer. _No kissing,_ he thought to himself, moving his head to the side so he wouldn’t subconsciously collide with Yamaguchi.

_Take me out, and take me home_

Yamaguchi tugged him closer. “I love this song.”

_You’re my, my, my, my_

“Really?” Kei asked, not surprised, but humored all the same.

_Lover_

“It’s cute,” Yamaguchi laughed, bumping their noses together.

_Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand?_

Yamaguchi started to softly sing along when it reached the bridge, acting more silly than anything, and Kei’s heart melted.

_With every guitar string scar on my hand_

Kei huffed a laugh, holding Yamaguchi close enough that there was no space left.

_I take this magnetic force of a man to be my_

Yamaguchi continued mouthing the words, his breath cool on Kei’s lips.

_Lover_

Kei rolled his eyes and put his face to Yamaguchi’s neck. He couldn’t handle this anymore. If he didn’t look away, he was going to ask to kiss Yamaguchi.

_My heart’s been borrowed and yours has been blue_

It wasn’t just the no-kissing rule, or the no-kissing-except-on-Sundays.

_All’s well that ends well to end up with you_

This was a movie night, first and foremost.

_Swear to be overdramatic and true to my_

And movie night was sacred.

_Lover_

Even if Yamaguchi’s hands were slowly moving along his back.

_And you’ll say_

Even if Kei couldn’t stop himself from nuzzling closer to Yamaguchi’s neck.

_All you did is just for me_

Even if Yamaguchi was still singing, lightly in Kei’s ear.

_And at every table_

Even if Kei’s heart was about to beat out of his chest.

_I’ll save you a seat_

Even if they were so close, they could feel one another’s every movement.

_Lover_

Kei needed to get out of there.

_Can I go where you go?_

As quickly as possible, really, because he knew that he was going to break every single rule at once, and he wasn’t sure Yamaguchi would stop him.

_Can we always be this close, forever and ever?_

When he pulled back a bit, and he saw the tender look in Yamaguchi’s eyes, he was sure of it.

_Take me out, and take me home_

Except…

_You’re my, my, my, my_

Wait.

_Oh, you’re my, my, my, my_

Tender look?

_Darling you’re my, my, my, my_

But did that mean that Yamaguchi…?

_Lover_

Kei searched Yamaguchi’s eyes for an answer but found none. The music faded into the next song, and Kei still wasn’t sure what had just happened.

“Kei, Tadashi!” Udai called.

Kei snapped out of his thoughts and turned to his brother’s boyfriend.

Udai pointed up. “Mistletoe.”

Kei turned back to Yamaguchi, panic rising in his throat. That was a no, right? They could make an excuse. It was too public, they didn’t want to kiss in front of their family, mistletoe was lame–

“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi whispered, already leaning up. “It’s okay. They won’t let us be with this, you know.”

Kei’s breath stuttered, throat suddenly very dry as he started to lean down. “Just the one.”

“Exactly,” Yamaguchi agreed, eyes fluttering closed.

And…had Kei ever taken a moment to look at that face? Yamaguchi’s expression, just a fraction of a moment before their lips would touch? Kei closed his eyes to meet Yamaguchi’s lips for only a second, but his brain was replaying that vision over and over and over…

Long lashes on freckled cheeks, relaxed, parted lips, no sign of reluctance or hesitance. It was completely different from the tight-lipped, open-eyed way Kei had seen Yamaguchi peck Yachi or Hinata hello/goodbye. Either Yamaguchi was a great actor, or…

Kei’s breath caught, and he pulled back. “We’ve got to get out of here.”

Yamaguchi nodded, too vigorous for Kei to understand why. As soon as the attention was off of them, they snuck out the back to walk over to Kei’s.

Kei figured they should probably talk about what had happened, but as soon as his bedroom door was closed, he was pinned against it, Yamaguchi’s hands on his hips.

“This okay?” Yamaguchi asked, leaning up some.

And Kei should’ve said no, should’ve slowed down to get an answer to what he thought he might already know, but he was high from proximity. His lips were still tingling from their simple kiss. Logic said it was the cool peppermint lip balm, but emotion said it was his nerves on fire from Yamaguchi’s touch. It was like eating strawberry shortcake after months of being deprived.

“God, yes,” he said instead.

That was all it took for Yamaguchi to crush their mouths together. It was hungrier, more desperate, more needy than the first week. The way he gripped Kei’s hips made Kei weak in the knees. He tangled his fingers in Yamaguchi’s hair, feeling no shame in his needy noises when Yamaguchi pulled back some.

_I should say something,_ Kei thought as Yamaguchi’s lips found his neck. _I should tell him how I feel._

He couldn’t find his voice, though, and before long, the moment had more or less passed.

They sat together on Kei’s bed.

“Sorry, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi said through a blush and a grimace. “I think that’s gonna bruise.” He ran his thumb over a sensitive spot on Kei’s neck that his shirt collars were _not_ going to cover.

“I guess that’s what we get for doing that wearing our suits,” Kei huffed, leaning back on his headboard. “Hand me my laptop?”

“Sure, Tsukki!”

They arranged themselves together under the blanket and set up a movie to start their marathon. Kei started to second guess himself.

After all, maybe Yamaguchi was just like, sexually frustrated, or something? And maybe that was totally unrelated from feelings. Which meant it was _good_ Kei didn’t say anything in the heat of the moment, like he had the last time, because that would’ve been stupid. He would’ve gotten rejected. Now, at least he got to cuddle.

Except Yamaguchi kept pressing closer and closer, shifting in Kei’s arms, and the tension was filling the room back up as soon as it had been deflated.

“Tsukki?” Yamaguchi whispered, tilting his head back to look at Kei.

Kei’s eyes were stuck on the column of Yamaguchi’s throat. “Yeah?”

“I think we broke…every single rule,” he whispered, biting his bottom lip. Kei watched him release it slowly, feeling like his heart was in his throat.

“I guess that sort of defeats the purpose, hm?” Kei noted. _Stop, don’t do this._

“A little,” Yamaguchi agreed, his nose brushing Kei’s cheek. “I forgot how nice it was…”

“Two months will do that,” Kei said, leaning down a bit. “Probably shouldn’t have kissed in the first place, because now we know what we were missing.”

Yamaguchi’s breathing hitched. “Yeah…”

Yamaguchi had undone a few buttons of his shirt, leaving him exposed down to the collarbone– _god_, his collarbone. If it was a couple months ago, Kei would’ve been busying himself biting at the exposed skin until he was sure Yamaguchi would be hiding marks for a week. But…he shouldn’t, right?

Kei slowly dragged his lips against Yamaguchi’s neck. “Tadashi…”

“It’s fine,” Yamaguchi whined – god, he _whined_ – tilting his head more. “But I’ll pinch you if you make it impossible to hide, alright?”

Kei smiled against his skin. “No promises.”

Maybe Yamaguchi had been right. Maybe Kei really was a sadist, he considered, kissing and biting and sucking wherever he could get his mouth. But Yamaguchi’s hand was in his hair, and it was so familiar, that for a moment, he forgot every reason they’d stopped for so long. And when Yamaguchi turned in his arms to find his mouth, Kei didn’t question it for a moment.

They just _went together_, and no matter what they called it, Kei knew that much was true. Or it felt true, but maybe that was just Yamaguchi pulling Kei’s hair and running nails down his back.

_Stop being stupid_, Kei told himself, but how could he? When what he wanted, so desperately, was here in his arms? _I love you_ sat on the tip of his tongue, the tongue Yamaguchi was currently sucking– _good god, did he get better at this somehow?_

He didn’t have time to process the knock on the door. He didn’t have time to think about what came next. There was a blissful moment of peace, and then–

“Kei, Tada– _oh my god_!”

Yamaguchi jumped back away from Kei, and Kei scrambled so he was sitting upright again. He gave Akiteru his most pleading look. _Don’t make me give this up, not now…_

Akiteru scrubbed a hand over his face then stepped inside, closing the door again. “Guys, we need to talk about this.”

Kei leaned his head against the wall. “It’s none of your fucking business.”

“It’s my business when I have to watch two people I care about put themselves in a situation that’s hurting both them and their friendship,” Akiteru argued, sitting between them on the bed. “Kei, I respect your reasons.”

“Get out of my room.”

“But you need to figure this out,” Akiteru pushed on, not relenting. “Talk it out, or break up, but you need to figure it out _now_. You’ve had months to think this through.”

Kei’s eyes burned, and his ears rung. “Stop,” he begged.

“If you can’t handle that…” Akiteru pursed his lips. “Then, you’re not acting like the adults you legally are. And, as your older brother, who loves you…I’ll tell ka-san and to-san that this was all fake.”

“You can’t do that!” Kei said, jumping up. “Nii-san, you promised!”

“I’m not going to watch you two ruin years of friendship,” Akiteru said, determined but soft. “I’m sorry, Kei. But if I didn’t say anything, this would’ve kept going until you two were torn apart by it.”

“Who the hell asked you?”

Akiteru stood back up and left the room, leaving behind a deafening silence.

Kei turned to Yamaguchi, hoping to find something there other than the bleak resignation that he saw instead.

“Tadashi, I think–” _We should be together for real,_ was what Kei wanted to say.

“We should break up,” Yamaguchi interrupted instead. “Sorry, Tsukki. Aki-nii…is probably right. I’m sorry. I should – I should just go.”

“Tadashi, wait–” Kei tried to grab Yamaguchi’s arm, but Yamaguchi slipped right through his fingers. “Wait,” he repeated to a closing door.

Kei wasn’t surprised that his mother checked on him around noon the next day. He hadn’t left for anything other than to pee since Yamaguchi left, and he wasn’t planning on it anytime soon.

“Kei, sweetie?” His mother opened his door. “I brought you some shortcake…”

Kei sighed, but he didn’t turn around. “Okay.”

“Kei…” The bed sunk a bit beside him. “Did something happen with Tadashi yesterday?”

“We broke up,” he said flatly. “I don’t want to talk.”

“Oh, sweetheart…” She ran her fingers through his hair. “I’m sure you two will work things out–”

“It’s over, ka-san,” he countered, voice cracking.

“You two are the closest thing to soulmates this world has,” she argued. “If anyone will work it out…it’s you.”

“Kei?” Akiteru knocked on his door that evening. “Are you okay? Ka-san asked me to bring you dinner.”

“Fuck off; I don’t want to see you.”

“Kei…” There was a thud on the door, like Akiteru had put his head against it. “I’m not sorry. You two were going to break your own hearts like that.”

“I wanted to talk to him!” Kei snapped, throwing a nearby dinosaur at the door. “He wanted to _leave_. So, tell me, how the hell is that any better?”

Akiteru took a shaky breath. “I’d rather you be angry at me than Tadashi.”

“Fuck you, get away from my room.”

The next morning, Akiteru tried to open the door. Kei threw another dinosaur. That became the routine for the next three days, until Akiteru seemed to have given up.

Kei woke up on New Years Eve feeling weak and more depressed than the rest of the week. He’d eaten even less than before, hadn’t showered, barely got out of bed for anything. But Yamaguchi hadn’t so much as texted him, and Kei knew. It was over – not just their fake relationship, but all of it.

When his door opened that morning, he prepared another dinosaur to launch.

“Hey, Kei-kun– oh! It’s just me, kid, not Akiteru.” The smiling face of Udai Tenma greeted him instead. “Can I come in?”

Kei frowned. “Did nii-san send you to do this? Because I don’t have anything to say.”

Udai’s eyes softened. “No, he didn’t ask me to. I’m here because he’s been moping around my apartment for the last four days, and if I don’t get a midnight kiss for New Years? I’ll cry, Kei-kun.”

Kei snorted. “Sorry that you got dragged into this. But I don’t want to talk to him, and you won’t change my mind.”

Udai shrugged. “Mind if I sit?” he asked, walking across the room.

Kei pulled his knees to his chest. “If you want.”

“I think Akiteru…went about protecting you two in the wrong way,” Udai began, sighing. “He didn’t really…explain it. He just did, and that didn’t give either of you much of an idea of what he meant, I guess?”

“I don’t understand.”

Udai hummed. “Did your brother tell you how we got together?”

Kei shook his head, unsure where this went.

“Well.” Udai leaned his head back against the wall. “It wasn’t too different from you and Tadashi-kun.”

Kei tilted his head. “What do you mean?”

“We started out as fake boyfriends,” Udai explained, laughing a little. “See, Akiteru saved me from this guy who just wouldn’t take a hint…”

Udai went through the whole story: how his friends misunderstood, how he was too embarrassed to tell them, how Akiteru offered to pretend for a little while. And also how Udai had a crush on Akiteru in _high school_ (ew) and it had been coming back after they met up again during Kei’s first year, at Nationals. Finally, he told Kei about how they sorted things out and got together for real.

“But it sucked,” Udai sighed. “Because I was totally in love with him, and he was totally in love with me, but we both figured the other was just really good at acting or something.”

Kei nodded; he saw where this was going. “And you think he saw that in Tadashi and me, right?”

Udai gave a small smile. “He should’ve told you all of this from the beginning, Kei-kun. He didn’t do it the right way, but he had the right reason. I know you see that.”

“So, what am I supposed to do?” Kei asked, shrinking down. “It’s already over.”

Udai ruffled Kei’s hair. “It’s not over, Kei. Not by a long shot. What you’re supposed to do is tell Tadashi-kun how you feel.”

Kei groaned. “He’s going to reject me.”

“Don’t be so sure,” Udai countered. “You’re cute, and you’re nice – to Tadashi-kun, that is – and you should _see_ the way he looks at you. You can’t fake a love like that, Kei-kun. So, talk to him.”

Kei bit his lip and considered it. On the one hand, he didn’t think any of this was true. On the other hand, Udai seemed to know what he was talking about.

“I’ll give you some incentive,” Udai decided. “For every minute you take to decide what to do, I will tell you a fact about your brother you’ve no interest in hearing!”

Kei frowned. “Udai-san, I just–”

“Number one, your brother is a pillow prince,” Udai interrupted, grinning ear-to-ear.

“Fuck!” Kei stood up and covered his ears. “Alright! I’m going! I’ll talk to Tadashi!”

“Good boy,” Udai laughed, following Kei and patting his back. “Word of advice, though? Take a shower first, kid.”

Kei’s face heated up. Right. He hadn’t done that in a bit.

After showering, changing, and doing his best not to have a meltdown, Kei was ready to see Yamaguchi. Or, as ready as he could be, which wasn’t very ready, honestly. He sort of felt like he was going to throw up. But Udai had told him it was a good idea, and he was way less biased than Akiteru in this situation…except for the part that he was advocating for something that Akiteru, his boyfriend, wanted…

Kei shook his head. He had to do this. Obviously, being away from Yamaguchi wasn’t good for his health, not without closure. At least if Yamaguchi knew how Kei felt, there was a chance their friendship could be repaired. That was more important to Kei at this point.

When he arrived at the Yamaguchi residence, he decided to take the hard way in. Kei had a lot to prove, he felt, and just knocking on the front door wasn’t going to cut it.

He took a deep breath and grabbed onto a snowy branch, pulling himself into the tree outside Yamaguchi’s bedroom window. It was weird, doing this on a day other than Yamaguchi’s birthday, but he knew this was the right move.

He crawled forward and knocked on the window. “Tadashi!”

Through the glass, he saw Yamaguchi jump at his desk and fall out of his chair. Yamaguchi turned, eyes wide with surprise, then anger, when he saw Kei. He stormed to the window and yanked it open.

“What are you doing here, Tsukki?” he asked, voice flat.

Kei searched Yamaguchi’s face for any sign of what he might be feeling. “You didn’t let me talk to you, last week. And I wanted to talk, Tadashi.”

Yamaguchi’s blank expression cracked into what might have been distress or anger. He stepped back and let Kei through.

“I know nii-san shouldn’t have given an ultimatum,” Kei said, “but between those choices…we should’ve talked first, Tadashi.”

“Why?” Yamaguchi asked, voice breaking. “So you could tell me _why_ you wanted it to be over? No, I’d rather just rip off the band-aid.”

“What?” Kei stared at him, incredulous. “No! You don’t _get_ to be mad right now, Tadashi! You walked out before I even got a chance to speak, you know? You’re not a mind reader! So, I get to be mad this time!”

Yamaguchi set his jaw and sat down on his bed. “Fine. Then, talk, Tsukki.”

“I did want to stop pretending to be your boyfriend,” Kei said. “Because I’ve been in love with you since junior high.”

Yamaguchi’s eyes slowly widened as he processed that. “You – what?”

“I’ve been in love with you since junior high,” Kei repeated, louder this time, more sure of himself. “And I let this go on because I thought it was the best and closest I was going to get, but then on Christmas Eve, I just started thinking, what if it wasn’t? What if we could be real? What if you _maybe_ loved me too? And I was _going_ to ask you that anyways, if my moron brother hadn’t barged in and ruined that!”

“You haven’t – what? Junior high? Tsukki, be serious…you can’t have…” Yamaguchi was searching his face like he was looking for a lie. “_Junior high_?”

“And you left,” Kei said, voice wavering. “You walked out, and I thought it was because you wanted it to be over – all of it. And then you didn’t even text me when you got home, and I thought that was it, Tadashi. I thought I’d lost you for good.”

“Tsukki…” Yamaguchi stood back up, walking to Kei slowly. “I didn’t know.”

“Obviously!” Kei snapped.

“So, why are you here, then,” Yamaguchi prompted, avoiding Kei’s eye.

“Because I wanted you to know I’m in love with you,” Kei said. “And I wanted to know if maybe…you feel the same.”

Yamaguchi finally met Kei’s gaze. “Tsukki…how could you not know?”

Kei drew in a shaky breath. “Know what?”

“That I’ve always loved you,” Yamaguchi said, stepping closer. “That I’ve probably loved you since before I understood what love was. That the whole reason I was trying to push you away was…I thought you’d never see me like that.”

Kei reached a hand out to Yamaguchi, hesitantly touching his cheek. “I’ve…Tadashi, it’s always been you. There’s never been anyone but you. Even when I kissed those other guys, there was only ever _you_ in my mind.”

A few tears slipped down Yamaguchi’s cheek, but he grinned up at Kei like he’d hung the moon or something. “I love you, so much, Kei.”

At the sound of his given name, Kei stepped closer to bridge the gap between them. “Be my boyfriend, Tadashi, for real this time. Because I hated life without you. God, I never want to be without you again.”

Yamaguchi nodded, putting his arms around Kei’s waist. “Of course, Tsukki. Obviously.”

Kei pressed a kiss to Yamaguchi’s forehead, then to each of his temples. He kissed his eyelids and his cheeks; his nose and his jaw. And finally, Kei tilted his head in, feeling Yamaguchi’s breath on his lips and lashes on his cheek. And it wasn’t their first kiss – not even close. But when their lips met, it felt like the first one.

Maybe it was, in a way.

The first kiss that mattered.

After a good three hours of lazy kisses in Yamaguchi’s bed, Kei and Yamaguchi returned to the Tsukishimas’ to prepare for the New Year’s Eve party that night. Kei felt like nothing could ruin his good mood.

Until he passed his brother’s room.

With an open door.

Where Akiteru and his boyfriend were making out in plain view.

Kei cursed and turned away, slapping his hands over his eyes. “CLOSE YOUR FUCKING DOOR, NII-SAN!”

“Oh, my god,” Akiteru gasped, and there was shuffling behind Kei. “Sorry, sorry!”

“Don’t you _live _somewhere that you can do that? Instead of defiling the home we grew up in?” Kei complained.

At that, Yamaguchi started laughing. “It’s kind of karma, Tsukki!”

“Shut up, Yamaguchi,” Kei whined, refusing to take his hand away from his face. “My poor virgin eyes.”

Yamaguchi and Udai seemed to find the situation much funnier than Kei or Akiteru.

As it neared midnight, Yamaguchi pulled Kei outside to the balcony.

“Tsukki, I think I know what I want my New Year’s resolution to be,” Yamaguchi said, leaning in close.

“Oh?”

“Yeah…I want to kiss my new boyfriend, as often as possible. And when we live together for uni, I want to try other stuff too,” he whispered, pulling Kei in by his waist. “What’s yours?”

Kei laughed and rested his forehead against Yamaguchi’s. “I was just planning to be nicer to the idiot duo or something,” he admitted, “but I think I like yours better.”

Fireworks exploded in the distance, signaling the start of a new year. And Kei really liked Yamaguchi’s resolution, because he wasn’t sure he’d ever get enough of this.

_It’s real,_ he thought, as Yamaguchi’s lips met his over and over. _This time, it’s real._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one: 
> 
> Me: Akiteru is a pillow prince, so is Kei, that's just the way it is

**Author's Note:**

> So uh, give me pining Tsukki rights or give me death lolol
> 
> Follow me on [Twitter](https://www.twitter.com/lovingyachi) and scream with me about Haikyuu!! and other shit, or follow


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